How to Control Anger
How is it that a slow-driving elderly person in the car in front of us can turn some very respectable, sane and compassionate people into raving lunatics? What is it about spilling a glass of milk that can make even a grownup lose their mind? Every single one of us has a little spark of rage inside us at all times. If that spark gets fanned and fueled just right, it can blow up into a wildfire. If we let our little frustrations build up like kindling, and then we throw in a match lit by a barista that got our order wrong and we’re already late for work, look out.
In this video, I discuss why we get angry, how to see it coming, and how we can nip it in the bud. The more we understand anger, the more wise we become to its sneaky tricks. By understanding these basic principles and by practicing the brief guided meditation at the end of the video, we can all discover a life of boundless peace and joy.
When Anger Takes Control of You
We all get angry from time to time. Even if we don’t act out in rage and lose our temper, feelings of anger can arise. When others do things we perceive as “against” us, when our ego is hurt, when our pride is damaged, we often respond in that unconscious reaction of anger. Our inner peace is disturbed, our heart rate increases, our blood pressure goes up, we clench our fists and our body tenses up.
Here is the key to not only quickly calming our body and mind back down, but also how to prevent that unconscious anger reaction from happening in the first place. It’s so important that we recognize and even take responsibility for the kind of energy we carry with us, because we can hurt others without even meaning to. One thing we all know for certain is, uncontrolled anger has never made a situation better. It always makes them worse. So be sure to try out this simple technique next the time you start to feel angry.
Useful Articles and Q & A
Q: Dear Todd, shouldn’t we respond with our true feelings to people who hurt us and not with love and kindness? TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me this question about how to respond to people who hurt us. I get it, believe me. Our first (unconscious) instinctual reaction is to
Fighting Hatred with Love The Dalai Lama is a man who saw his own country violently conquered. It would be all too easy to become bitter. But instead, he forgives and loves. He puts all of our measly everyday squabbles to shame. If he can find compassion for his invaders,
Q: Dear Todd, I think one must express their anger instead of suppressing it. Because suppressed anger leads to hatred which in turn leads to resentment and sorrow. And finally depression. Any thoughts? TODD ANSWERS: Repressed emotions are one of the greatest, if not the greatest, cause of physical pain
Whenever you feel most down, most conflicted, most angry, most hurt or most upset, do this one simple thing: Ask yourself, “Where is the lesson?” You cannot be both upset and curious at the same time. Curiosity, intellectual exploration, and reflection cannot coexist with anger and rage. The simple act
Q: Dear Todd, in the midst of strong emotions like real raw anger, I literally forget everything and not able to control my temper. What can I do to fight that? Todd Answers: It takes time to develop any new habit, but every single time you can bring just a
Q: Dear Todd, how can Ukrainians respond with love to their enemies? TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me how I can suggest that even people in Ukraine respond with love when their lives are in danger. The person went on to tell me that they struggle with spirituality because “we
We will all feel all of the human emotions throughout our lives. That’s part of life. But when we let ourselves get swept away by those emotions, then we can act unmindfully and in ways that can hurt our reputation and relationships. When our emotions carry us away, we lose
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