I think the first step on the path to enlightenment, the 10,000-step path, should be called false enlightenment. Because we have these little glimpses of awakening, and we feel like we’re enlightened, and then someone who is cruel or unkind or unthoughtful pulls us right back down to reality, makes us mad and furious.

And instead of realizing we’re not so enlightened after all, we try to cut out everyone in our lives who is even slightly negative, even though we don’t cut out ourselves, the actual source of that negativity. Because we are the ones saying, “How dare they? How could they be like that? They shouldn’t be like that.”

The next several steps on the path to enlightenment are about coming to terms with the fact that if we want to be the happiest person, the kindest person, we are going to be disappointed in humanity. We are going to often feel alone.

And the thing to remember is this: if enlightenment is about peace, happiness, and these selfish pursuits, we will be disappointed. But when we realize it’s actually about love, about giving back, and making this world a brighter place not just for ourselves but for all living beings, then the practice becomes loving those people. Loving those imperfect, maybe less-aware people, loving them in all their chaotic nature. Not preaching the path to liberation, but simply being there to lift them up when they reach out a hand.

It doesn’t have to be lonely. We wanted this. We wanted to be the happiest person, the most peaceful person, the most loving person. So we shouldn’t be surprised that others are sometimes less loving, less peaceful, less happy.

But we wouldn’t choose it any other way.

So even if we need to step away from a relationship, even if we’ve been giving too much and need to pull back and take care of ourselves, we can still love them. We can still hold no animosity, no bitterness, no negativity in our hearts.

That is the practice. It’s not about changing others. It’s not about cutting everyone out.
It’s about learning to break through our own bitterness, into love.