Someone recently asked me how to handle situations when a person does or says something hurtful. I get it, believe me. When learning how to react when someone hurts you, our first unconscious, instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But responding out of rage lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. Reacting with anger simply isn't an effective way to communicate. People’s walls immediately go up, and they…
I understand how hard it can be when people don't treat us the way we would treat others. It is disappointing, disheartening, and discouraging. People are messy and relationships can be very complicated, but we enter into them because of the immense meaning and purpose they bring.To hold onto anger and resentment is to give up on people everywhere. It's a battlefield out there, but we only have 3 options.1)…
When someone says something you disagree with, can you instead of rejecting it or absorbing it, can you let it pass through you? Can you give it space to be? Can you see it, play with it, and let it go back into the void without blocking or denying or accepting it? This is what it means to be fully open to life.If you’re a human being (and I’m just…
I was recently in Indonesia meeting my sister-in-law’s incredible family in a beautiful village a few hours away from Jakarta. It was absolutely wonderful to be around such a huge, warm and welcoming family. Village life, wherever I’ve been so blessed to experience it in the world, is always special. There’s a deep connection to nature and to beautiful heritages and traditions that infuse their lives with ancient wisdom and firmly…
If you’ve seen my recent social media posts, you’ll know that my diary was stolen out of my hotel in Thailand. They took my whole camera bag which had memory cards full of photos, my expensive Nikon camera, and my journal full of my most personal thoughts, stories and struggles.At first when it happened, I was very angry. I felt violated, exposed, and naked. I knew the thief probably didn’t…
It is never too late to change. At any age, we can make rapid change. Here’s what’s blocking us from doing so, and here’s what we can do to become the person we wish to be.Luckily, aggression, anger, stubbornness, negativity, pessimism, impatience and tempers are not ingrained in our DNA. But they do become habits. Fortunately for us, habits can be broken in an instant.I know smokers who smoked five…
Q: Dear Todd, is there any part of anger issues that are genetically linked or is it more of a learned behavior? The reason I ask is because my ex’s anger was intensely explosive and my 3 boys display the same type of behavior when angered. My 2 girls manage their anger really well. All five kids had the same exposure to their father’s outbursts, which were modeled for them,…
Q: Dear Todd, how can Ukrainians respond with love to their enemies?TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me how I can suggest that even people in Ukraine respond with love when their lives are in danger. The person went on to tell me that they struggle with spirituality because "we have fear for a reason and if a bear is charging at you, it doesn't care if you respond with love…
Q: Dear Todd, shouldn't we respond with our true feelings to people who hurt us and not with love and kindness?TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me this question about how to respond to people who hurt us. I get it, believe me. Our first (unconscious) instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But this would be a reaction that lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. It is just…
Q: Dear Todd, How Can I Get Over my Grudges? Giving love and forgiveness to others is the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself. When we love and forgive others, we do not lose anything. We in fact gain peace of mind, joyousness, and greater physical and mental health. The more joy and love within you, the more joy and love you put into the world and the…
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