Isn’t it funny how much we crave acceptance from people who are not gracious enough to give it to us and who have already shown us they are incapable of doing so? We all want a spotless, stellar reputation. We want only good words to be spoken about us, whether we are present or not. And any blemish, any tarnishing of that reputation, even being misunderstood or having someone assume…
When Insecurity Enters RelationshipsNo one can bring out our best and worst selves quite like the people we’re closest to. When approached mindfully, relationships can be incredible opportunities to grow in presence and as people.But when there is insecurity, doubt, jealousy, suspicion, or possessiveness in relationships, this can create a toxic, fertile soil for mindlessness and trouble to grow. Because most of us want to be in a relationship, we…
Why does someone else's success make us feel so crummy? Why do some people take pleasure in other people's successes, and other people become miserable with envy? We all know comparison is the thief of joy, so why do we still get jealous when scrolling through friends' vacation photos or seeing other people achieve big things or dealing with toxic colleagues? And most importantly, how can we be inspired by…
Minimalism is a practice that can really help us appreciate what we have and be very mindful about what we need, what we want, and what isn't contributing to our well-being. So often we're surrounded by stuff that we don't want, that we'll never use, and that is just creating clutter in our house, in our lives, and in our minds. So if we start to really notice what we…
When we don’t know who we are, we can easily begin to see ourselves the way other people see us. But most often, those people don’t even know who they are. So we are seeing ourselves through the eyes of people who have no idea what a human being truly is.We can only know others when we truly know ourselves. We are the gateway to understanding the complex and vast…
Why should I change myself to become better if I have nobody in my life? This is a two-pronged question. Because when we say "better," what do we really mean? And that word, better, means two things to the person who asked this question. Better in the sense of, "I want to feel better. I want my mind to stop fighting me. I want to be happier, healthier, and better…
All human beings have these egos, this mind-made conception of who we are. And it only survives when it feels important. And when this ego feels threatened, because it is comparing itself to the wealth or success or looks of someone else, it suffers, and it makes us suffer immensely. To really get to the root of this suffering, we need to recognize that we are not this ego, and…
Q: Dear Todd, I feel extremely unsettled when I sense that I am being deliberately excluded. How do I find the source of why this unsettles me so much? TODD ANSWERS: The source is not in the situation but in the mind. It is caused solely by mental activity. Like an improv troupe, our mind throws out a suggestion and then we create a whole show around it. Instead of…
We all want to be liked and we crave acceptance. And yet, at times we can feel like everyone is judging us or hating us. Ironically, it’s often the people-pleasers who are most sensitive to this phenomenon. They want to be liked by everyone (which is impossible) and so when just one person is unkind, they notice. This can make it very difficult to have a peaceful life. So what…
If supermodels are insecure, if billionaires feel like failures, and if the world's greatest artists feel like imposters, how the heck are the rest of us supposed to feel worthy and good enough?! The truth is, value doesn't come from others' praise, worth doesn't come from wealth, and contentment doesn't come from achievement. If we only care about superficial things like money and looks, our lives will lack what truly…
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