Cruel words can only hurt us if they are tinged with truth. Not with objective truth, but with our own personal truth. Objectively, no words would ever hurt us because we would be looking at our situation rationally, from all angles, and we’d be honest with ourselves about what we know and don’t know. If that inner voice in our head is self-critical, other people’s unkind words will really sting.…
How Can You Not Be Attached to Family and Loved Ones?I know it seems strange at first, but the more we examine it, the more we will find that love without possessiveness or clinginess is a far greater and more powerful love. This is what true unconditional love looks like.When we love with attachment, we love with stress and anxiety too, constantly worrying, even if it’s imperceptible. This subconscious stress…
Someone recently asked me how to handle situations when a person does or says something hurtful. I get it, believe me. When learning how to react when someone hurts you, our first unconscious, instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But responding out of rage lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. Reacting with anger simply isn't an effective way to communicate. People’s walls immediately go up, and they…
Understanding Affection Deprivation and the Drive for TouchWe all need human touch and affection. It is as innate a drive as hunger and thirst. We love love, and so we seek it out, we crave it, and it is this force that has helped us work together to survive and thrive on this planet.Modern Technology: Isolation vs. Real ConnectionIt is true that in our modern society, it’s become easier to…
Reader Question"Todd, it’s my own self-esteem that’s been struck once again to prolong this long battle of wondering, will I ever meet that person? Am I destined to be alone? Have I gotten too old? Will I make it through yet another bout? I’m broken right now but fighting."We all (well, most of us anyway) want a devoted partner, close friends, and a loving family. But trying to find the…
When the Toxic Person is Your KidThere is no secret recipe for raising perfect kids. There are countless influences in the world and not all of them are positive. A parent can not control everything a child hears, sees, and experiences.Sometimes, despite our best efforts, kids can fall into drugs, a bad crowd, disrespect, and a refusal to listen. Parents are not robots, and it’s normal to get frustrated and…
Stop Outsourcing Your HappinessWhen we expect others to make us feel better, we become the outsourcer of our own happiness. And while it can be very healing to have close people in our lives who we can share our problems with, sharing can all too easily turn into dumping. When we dump all our problems onto others with the expectation of them making us feel better, we are not valuing the…
There are a lot of articles, influencers, and people talking about the rise of people cutting off family members.And as the forgiveness, love, compassion guy, you may think I’m anti-cutting people off, which actually isn’t true. I have had to cut people off, and I know that a lot of people are struggling with it.It’s one of the hardest things in most people’s lives — this idea of wanting someone…
The more we accept others as they are, the more likely they are to change. How weird is that? Watching a loved one suffer is one of the hardest things that any one of us will ever go through. It is often so much harder than dealing with our own suffering because we love them. We can take care of ourselves, but we're watching someone who cannot do so, who…
From Path to Peace With Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Hello my friend, For many people, especially parents, it’s a lot easier to give up personal cravings and desires than it is to give up our cravings and desires for the people we love. We can be very selfless for ourselves, but when it comes to our family and friends, our selfishness knows no bounds. We strongly crave for our loved ones…
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