Hello my friend,

How silly is it that we love people by worrying about them? Is putting our worries onto our loved ones truly love? And is it possible to love without worrying? 

To truly love someone is to care for them, not get agitated and pass our stress onto them. Don’t worry, just love. That’s the greatest act we can do for others and ourselves. 

Instead of manically asking a loved one all the time if they’re okay, instead do things for them that will make sure they’re okay. The first way is panicky and will make your loved ones stressed. The other is kind and patient. Both show love, but one gives stress where the other gives warmth.

Love isn’t overbearing. It’s not burdensome. It’s lightness. It’s space. Space to be and space to heal. It’s not attachment, possession, or pressure. It’s freedom and acceptance. It’s a gentle guidance, a forgiving grace, and a calm presence.

In many cultures and families, fear and stress are how love is shown. Worry and love become conflated. From generation to generation, the virtue of stress and fear is passed on. But what good does that do for our loved ones?

The fact is, we don’t own our loved ones. We don’t even own our own body. We are merely brief stewards. It is the relationship that matters, not us or them. So how are we relating to our loved ones and ourselves? Are we a source of positivity or negativity? A source of peace or chaos? A source of nourishment or neuroses?

The key to our personal relationships, and the world as a whole, is to transform our worries into care. Care for ourself. Care for others. This is true love. And this is how we can be an example for our loved ones and best ensure that everyone we care about can live the life they’ll love.

Many of you have asked me which book of mine is the best place to start, so I’ve organized my books into unique stages in life that you may be going through, whether it’s grief, feeling lost, or searching for meaning. I hope this helps you find a starting point on your journey of inner discovery.

Much love,
Todd