Trust is essential to any relationship.

So what do you do when someone breaks that trust?
Why do people lie and how can we be loving and forgiving, while also protecting ourselves from being lied to again?

This article takes an honest look at how we can build up trust again, not just in our relationships, but in our future as well.

Forgiveness and trust, while protecting ourselves from dishonesty, are all possible if we look with open, clear eyes and maintain our presence and peacefulness.

We can listen without believing.
We can hope without getting our hopes up.
And we can stay mindful of our own needs and our own boundaries.

Relationships are two-way streets

Both people have to take responsibility for the flourishing of a relationship.

Trust is one of the building blocks of any relationship. When it’s violated, it can do enormous damage but if both parties acknowledge what happened, and there’s a sincere effort to repair it, something honest can grow again.

If that trust can be earned again, then it is not foolish to trust someone who has earned trust.

If someone has no interest in earning that trust back, even then the relationship does not have to end but the person who was lied to must maintain awareness of the lack of honesty in the other person when communicating with them.

For protection, they may need to create healthy and strong boundaries, so they do not fall into lies again.

Understanding dishonesty

Simply because someone has been dishonest doesn’t mean a relationship can’t survive.

If we look past our hurt and expand our perspective to see the other person’s view, we may not be able to trust them, but we may be able to understand them.

Most lies do not come from cruelty. They often come from a lack of consciousness, a lack of awareness of what one is doing.

Often, lying stems from a personal moral failure one feels the need to hide. Many people who are addicted to some harmful behavior truly intend to stop when they say they will. In that moment, they are not being dishonest with you, they are being dishonest with themselves.

Their true intention in the moment may be, “I will never do that again.”

And so, in these cases, we can separate the person from their addictive behavior. We can recognize that they may lie out of shame, or to avoid being caught.

Compassion with boundaries

We can still love and extend compassion to these people.
We don’t have to enable them.
We don’t have to put ourselves at risk.

But we can see their struggle and respond in the most nurturing, beneficial way, for them and for ourselves.

Most people are not evil. They have simply not been taught how to find lasting peace and joy. So they seek pleasures and avoid discomfort because that’s the only joy they know.

Whether it’s greed, sex, or addiction, many people behave in harmful ways toward loved ones simply because they’ve become disconnected from that infinite joy and peace within.

There is a beautiful passage in the ancient Hindu text, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, which says:

“We are only responsible for what we have done consciously. Otherwise, we actually didn’t do it — it was merely done through us.”

When we act unconsciously, as in habits or impulsive behavior, we are not living our intention.
We are living a reaction to our past and present circumstances.

Moving forward with wisdom and love

So if someone breaks your trust, if someone has a moral failing, be safe.
Protect yourself.
Be wise, and be loving to yourself and the other person.

Because this is how we can build together a more honest and trustworthy world.