As you may know, a few years back while I was out of the country, the people closest to me stole all of my most valuable possessions. Naturally, upon refusing to give them back, that kind of thing ends a relationship. But in that act of selfishness, I lost a lot more than the relationship or my valuables.
With the relationship severed and irreconcilable, I lost everything I had from my childhood. Every single thing I drew or wrote was gone. Every childhood photo of myself or that I took, gone. Every test and quiz, school project, trophy, signed memorabilia, baseball card, comic book, collector’s item, CD/Record/Tape/Movie/Game, and toy I painfully kept in its packaging in case it would someday be worth money. All gone. Everything passed down from my grandparents, like cool old typewriters and art, gone. I can’t even show you how cute I was as a little kid.
And while this all may seem terrible, I’m grateful. I learned a valuable lesson in losing all of these dust-collecting items. I learned that true letting go means letting go of everything, including the need to let go.
Letting go can become just as much of a desire as the stuff we long for. Letting go is an intention, it is not a result. It is a process, not an end goal to achieve or acquire. In total presence, there are no attachments and there is no past. There is only what is real right now. And the only thing real is change.
Here’s the good news: you don’t have to lose everyone and everything you own to learn this.
Step 1 for letting go is to simply recognize the attachment we all have. Recognize your desire for possessions and people. Witness your resistance to loss. Notice your drive for security and safety through ownership. See your ego’s need for closure or vengeance.
That’s it. Just observe it. Allow it to be. Sit with it. Fighting it means we are still possessed by our possessions and relationships. If we compulsively react, whether for or against the desires and attachments that are there, we are not truly free.
Only when we can let go of our need to let go, does letting go happen deeply and effortlessly.
Before you lose something dear, allow for its loss. Before relationships end, remember that all things end. Then you can enjoy these things and people fully, without fear, without disappointment, and without pain. It is an eternal process, but one of the most important and fulfilling ones we could possibly embark on.
Step 2 is the real secret for letting go, and that is moving forward. Keep going and don’t look back. Make new memories, make new chosen family members, take new photos, write and draw new pictures. It’s not about the stuff we accumulate but the joy we can squeeze out of this moment right now. In that photo down below, that’s my amazing mother-in-law. My new family and I are snapping new shots and cherishing whatever surprises life brings. Embrace the change and you’ll never be disappointed.
Much love,
Todd
P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:
- What the Most Negative Person I’ve Ever Met Taught Me About Gratitude (Watch Here)
2. The 3 Biggest Steps You Can Take for Your Happiness (Listen Here)
