Learning to trust people after being lied to is not easy. It can fill us with confusion when dealing with others, we don’t know if we’re being too trusting or too cynical. We struggle to maintain a positive view of people while also protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of.

Our brain has a way of creating strong memories of negative experiences as a defense mechanism to prevent them from happening again. Most of the time, this is an advantage.

But when it prevents us from recognizing how often people have been honest, it can distort our perception of others. The truth is, most people are honest, we just don’t always notice it. When a waiter says they’ll bring your food, nearly 10 out of 10 times, they follow through. We trust them, but we don’t consciously acknowledge them as an honest person. Yet, honesty is more common than we realize.

At the same time, we must remember that everyone is capable of both honesty and dishonesty. Even good people sometimes lie for reasons that seem necessary to them. That’s where judgment and wisdom come in. If we project distrust onto the world, we will find thieves and liars. But if we believe in the existence of honest, decent people doing their best, the universe will reflect that back to us.

This is how we return to a balanced, centered path, one where we are self-protective yet open to the beauty of the world. There is a way to trust without unnecessary risk, to be open without foolishness or naivety, and to know when to trust and when to set healthy boundaries.