Q: Dear Todd, not every moment is pleasurable, in my opinion. When your car slides off the edge of an icy logging road and time slows down, you're going to feel instinctual, epigenetic fear coursing through your body. Maybe there's a yogi who experiences bliss during traumatic events, but I would guess that at that point, you're ready for Nirvana. And is that really Nirvana if you experience trauma, fear,…
Q: Dear Todd, is there any part of anger issues that are genetically linked or is it more of a learned behavior? The reason I ask is because my ex’s anger was intensely explosive and my 3 boys display the same type of behavior when angered. My 2 girls manage their anger really well. All five kids had the same exposure to their father’s outbursts, which were modeled for them,…
If grief is love unexpressed, then express that love to yourself so the healing can take place. When we relinquish our attempt to control or suppress our grief and simply allow it to exist, we grant it the freedom to unfold naturally. Understanding impermanence on a deep level, and being aware of it rids the mind of any ability to experience loss, grief, sorrow, and detachment. Only the nonmaterial, empty…
Q: Dear Todd, I lost my dad a year and a half ago and since then, I have been isolated and have been utterly abandoned by relatives and so-called friends. I really and truly don't think I deserve this, but at age 65 it seems as though the entire world wants me gone. I am close to the breaking point and am praying for help. TODD ANSWERS: The constant struggle…
Does anyone here have a crystal ball that sees into the future? Do you have a genie’s lamp with unlimited wishes? And most importantly, do you think having those things would make you happier? Perhaps you’ve seen the Twilight Zone episode of the man who dies and goes to heaven. In heaven, he can have everything he could ever dream of just by thinking it into existence. Over time, the…
When we go on a downward spiral of negativity, underneath the thoughts are an attachment to those thoughts. This is the only reason we would mindlessly make ourselves suffer. Unconsciously, we want the drama, we want self-righteousness, we want the justified anger. AND, we unconsciously don’t want to let go, don’t want to accept, and don’t want to move on. The truth is, our value doesn’t come from others’ praise,…
It can be a hard and unwelcome lesson when someone we idolized shows us their humanness. We want to count on people, we hope we can rely on them, and until we learn this lesson, we expect people to always be there for us in the ways we need them to be.When someone fails us who we admire, when trust is broken, it can be earth-shattering. It can feel like…
If you think You're Too Anxious to Meditate? Think Again. As a wise Buddhist monk once said, “If you’re too busy to meditate for an hour a day, meditate for two hours a day!” As I like to say, “If you’re too anxious to meditate, then you definitely need to meditate!” Every single person on the planet can meditate. Meditation—i.e. being present—is our natural state of being. And those who…
Isn’t life a funny thing? We’re all striving, working hard in business and on ourselves. We’re all on a journey to succeed and grow. And yet, so many of us are ashamed of where we are right now on our journey. We’re jealous of other people who insecurely show off. We’re all growing, and yet we’re all embarrassed about it. The fact is, wherever we are on our path in…
No matter who you are, no matter where you live, no matter how rich or how poor, job or no job, we can all fall prey to that creeping dissatisfaction that can ruin our lives. Fortunately, peace and happiness are possible for each and every one of us. Right here. Right now. We can accept where we are, we can work towards a brighter future, and we can love every…
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