When Someone Fails Us

It can be a hard and unwelcome lesson when someone we idolized shows us their humanness. We want to count on people, we hope we can rely on them, and until we learn this lesson, we expect people to always be there for us in the ways we need them to be.

When someone fails us who we admire, when trust is broken, it can be earth-shattering. It can feel like our legs have been swept out from under us. All the support we thought we had has been knocked away. (When we hurt, we hurt others. When others hurt, they hurt us. To break this vicious cycle, we have to heal ourselves. Here’s how)

As hard as this experience can be, there are some positives in it. For one, we discover we do have legs to stand on. We find we are strong. We learn that we can survive anything. We may have relied on someone out of fear, but now we realize there is nothing to fear. Life is about moving forward, falling and getting up, and facing difficulty and learning how to overcome it.

Sometimes someone is there to pick us up, sometimes we are able to lift someone else up, but we are always there for ourselves. The universe is always there for us. The earth supports us. We each have trillions of microbes inside of us that keep our bodies alive. Life isn’t you vs them. It’s trillions for you.

Every cell in your body is a factory dedicated to supporting you. It looks like a party in there. 

Gael McGill/Evan Ingersoll/Digizyme

The whole universe is supporting you. It exists for you. Quadrillions of lifeforms are rooting for you. Their love is keeping you alive, pumping your heart, digesting your food, enriching the air, and providing everything you need for health and happiness.

If one person let you down, it’s OK. Quadrillions minus one. One moment doesn’t define a person. We can be grateful for the good they’ve done, we can thank them for the lesson in strength that we gained, and we can lovingly either correct them or take some space from them.


Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Create an image in your mind of your idealized self.


Whenever someone wrongs us or lets us down, we tend to fall into despair, anger, fear and resentment. All we can see is everything going wrong that can possibly go wrong. So instead, break that stream of thought with a conscious, intentional image. The subconscious mind responds very powerfully to images and symbols. So imagine your perfect self, imbue it with the values and beliefs you know deep down to be important to you (i.e. positive, strong, tenacious, joyful, kind, smart, confident, etc…). Create as detailed an image as you can in your mind, and whenever you feel overcome with stress, worries and disappointment, pull this image up in your mind.

This is the key to creating a new self-image when we find ourselves in these times of forced self-evolution. When we have this positive self image, achieving what we want in life becomes effortless and second-nature.

Much love,

P.S. How can we cultivate a mindset of presence, how can we nurture a positive mental state, and how can we live the best moment of our lives, every moment? I answer it here.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter