Most people tend to hear negative stories about themselves or others and believe those. It’s very difficult for many people to believe positive stories about themselves. And it doesn’t always come from others, often it comes from our own mind. Our own mind tells a negative, fear-based story, and it shapes a pessimistic and scary world for us.

Whether someone says something rude or critical and we believe it, or our own mind says it, at the end of the day it is the story of our mind. Because when someone says something critical, our mind has to either choose to believe it or choose to believe something else.

And because our egos, which were survival tools for living in tribes and in nature, are not really fit for having a joyful, happy life in this eight-billion-person world, the mind tends to choose fear. It looks for threats, for something missing, for danger. So it’s easier to believe the negative story.

But we don’t live in that survival world anymore. We rarely have to defend ourselves from bears, and we are not standing at the edge of a cliff every day. So we have to be aware: it is the ego, the thinking mind, creating so much of this negative story. And just by becoming aware of that story, we can respond to it. We don’t have to believe it. We can consciously choose to believe a story that makes us happier, more confident, optimistic, and peaceful.

When someone says something mean, we can notice the story forming, and then interpret it in a way that serves us. To interpret it any other way is madness and laziness. 

If we put even a little effort into looking at a mean comment deeply, we see there is no basis for that person to have authority over our truth. And we can see that a person who speaks with cruelty is clearly trapped in their own pain and negative story.

Any good person lifts people up. Only hurt people try to bring others down. That doesn’t mean they are bad, it means they are struggling too. And they are not the arbiters of reality.

You have more knowledge, insight, and authority about who you are than anyone else ever will. No one will ever be inside your mind but you.

So the correct conclusion is this: interpret reality in the way that best serves you. When someone says something kind, accept it as the honesty of a kind person. And when someone says something cruel, understand they are suffering. Respond with compassion, and with a stronger sense of self-worth, not a weaker one.