I was recently in Indonesia meeting my sister-in-law’s incredible family in a beautiful village a few hours away from Jakarta. It was absolutely wonderful to be around such a huge, warm and welcoming family. 

Village life, wherever I’ve been so blessed to experience it in the world, is always special. There’s a deep connection to nature and to beautiful heritages and traditions that infuse their lives with ancient wisdom and firmly rooted values of generosity, humility and kindness.

It only occurred to me later that nobody spoke one word of English and I couldn’t speak more than a few words of Indonesian. And yet, we communicated volumes. Actions, body language and tone of voice convey so much more than words ever can.

We as a species focus far too much on words. We have gone to war countless times over miscommunications, misunderstandings, and rash words spoken in haste. Every conflict, argument and fight happens because of our sole focus on words.

Think about it; if our mind didn’t go into a rage about how someone could be so mean and inconsiderate, how would we be able to feel anger and hatred? We couldn’t. Hatred is a judgment our mind makes up as a result of internal verbal analysis. 

The fact is, the words in our own head are the root cause of all conflict, for they are the entities with which we create our stories of conflict. Our thoughts (the ego) are the things other people’s words bump up against. Without those words — that egoic entity — words pass right through us. Conflict becomes impossible because other people’s words and behavior no longer stir up any mental activity within us.

Babies and animals are the greatest examples of this wisdom. No one has ever gotten into an argument with a baby or doggy.

Learn through practice to communicate with — and read — energy. You will have a lot fewer misunderstandings and arguments. People rarely say what they mean but their energy always tells.

Think of words like a rough draft — they’re a clue to a deeper meaning, but we haven’t found it yet. Dig deeper. People can say the worst things imaginable, but they may actually be in pain and crying out for help. They’re just words. A word is nothing more than the arising and falling away of vibrations, brief and fleeting, an apparition from the past by the time it reaches our ears. They only cause pain when we choose to cling to them. 

So give even more of your attention to the why of the words. Notice the subtle details of the person saying them. Is there pain in their voice, is there trauma behind their eyes, is there tension in their body? Simply noticing these details takes focus off of the words and diminishes the words’ power over you.

Over time, this practice will naturally extend to giving less and less of your attention-energy (this is the energy we expend when we give our attention to something) to the words in your head. Eventually the mental verbal energy (the energy we waste through that constant stream of thought in our head) will dissipate and you will have greater awareness, more physical energy, and more inner peace.

By ignoring words — or at least paying less attention to them — you will actually understand a great deal more. 

Much love,
Todd

P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

How to Live With a Broken Heart in a Broken World (Listen Here)

How to Get Success Without Stress (Watch Here)