From Path to Peace With Todd Perelmuter NewsletterWhen we expect others to make us feel better, we become the outsourcer of our own happiness. And while it can be very healing to have close people in our lives who we can share our problems with, sharing can all too easily turn into dumping. When we dump all our problems onto others with the expectation of them making us feel better, we…
Dealing With Being GhostedWe’ve all been there. Someone texts you, you text back, and then, silence. Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes days, and sometimes never.Or, when dating, you might really like someone and you think, “This can really go somewhere,” but then they disappear. Sometimes you just keep waiting for that text which never arrives. You may cycle through every emotion: anger, confusion, sadness… You keep analyzing what…
Throughout various stages of life, nearly all of us will face some kind of abandonment, neglect, separation or avoidance by someone we care about. And, because we all go through difficult times in our lives, the chances are likely that we will be emotionally unavailable to the people we care about from time to time. It's a world full of trauma survivors traumatizing other people accidentally. But, the good news…
Q: Dear Todd, it's tough knowing that, (at the moment), I am the person bringing the people I love down. I know what living with "toxic negativity" is, but I am trying to forgive who I was and be a better me. I hope others can forgive me, (again), too. TODD ANSWERS: Awareness and good intentions are the first and the most important step of that healing and forgiving journey. Most…
Q: I have always loved everyone since I was young. But over time that love has died. I used to be a happy person but things have changed in me. I gave too much but didn’t receive the same back. Any thoughts?Todd Answers: You can only give what you have to give. This is why it’s so important to listen to your body and mind and know when you need…
Q: Dear Todd, shouldn't we respond with our true feelings to people who hurt us and not with love and kindness?TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me this question about how to respond to people who hurt us. I get it, believe me. Our first (unconscious) instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But this would be a reaction that lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. It is just…
If supermodels are insecure, if billionaires feel like failures, and if the world's greatest artists feel like imposters, how the heck are the rest of us supposed to feel worthy and good enough?! The truth is, value doesn't come from others' praise, worth doesn't come from wealth, and contentment doesn't come from achievement. If we only care about superficial things like money and looks, our lives will lack what truly…
Spirituality is a word that means something different to just about everyone. Some people think spirituality is about being kind to others at the expense of ourself. They think it means being taken advantage of, letting governments and people do anything they want, being passive, inactive, and naive. Other people think spirituality is all about selfish interests, self-love, self-care, and selfishly feeling happy despite the many problems in the world.…
When we get hurt and let down by others, the pain we feel lingers on long after the emotional event took place. These traumatic moments in our lives take up a disproportionate amount of our mental space. If we have too many of these moments in our lives, their mental real estate can consume us. It can take all our effort not to let those experiences define us and shape…
We all (well most of us anyway) want a devoted partner, close friends, and a loving family. But trying to find the right partner, make friends, and build a family can do a number on our psyche.Relationships are a minefield of rejection and disappointment, betrayal and failure. They wreak havoc on our self-esteem, make us question our lives, and they can leave us feeling completely broken.But, relationships also provide us…
If something here helped you feel less alone, would you help me keep it alive?
Even the smallest support matters.
Weekly Writings from the Desk of Todd Perelmuter
