How to Stop Relying on Other People for Your Happiness

When we expect others to make us feel better, we become the outsourcer of our own happiness. And while it can be very healing to have close people in our lives who we can share our problems with, sharing can all too easily turn into dumping. 

When we dump all our problems onto others with the expectation of them making us feel better, we are not valuing the other person in the relationship like they deserve. Instead of seeing them as individual people with their own things going on, we see free therapists who exist solely for us. In my recent video, I spoke more about how we can get out of our old ways of thinking when we’re not in a good place mentally.

We aren’t just dumping our worries on them either. We are also unloading the responsibility we have to ourselves. Afterall, only you are responsible for you. We are responsible for the energy we carry with us. So we have to ask ourselves, are we adding value to people’s lives, or are we taking value? 

Whatever we take is more likely to be taken from us. Whatever we give is more likely to be given to us. That is the way of the world. If we tap into the happiness within, we become an example for the people we care most about. If we deal with our own stuff, if we love ourselves, and if we do the work to heal, we become happier, we’re able to give more happiness to others, and more happiness invariably finds its way back to us. (here’s more on how to add happiness and contentment to your life in my podcast.)

Here is a very simple technique that I’ve seen help people immensely who have struggled with temper, anger, stress, and dumping problems on their loved ones. I call it the “I’ll Get Mad Later” strategy. Whenever you’re upset at someone, or you’re just upset about something that’s on your mind, and you really don’t want to lose your temper and yell at anyone, just think to yourself, “I’ll get mad about this later when I’m by myself.” Later can be at the gym, on a walk, in a sauna or cold plunge, in nature, or anywhere else you can go to decompress, recenter, and let it all out. Usually, you’ll find that when later comes, you’re not still mad after all.

Meditation is just one of the ways we can reconnect with our highest self. In my recent article, I write in depth about how meditation makes us better people to those we love. And if you find yourself dealing with especially heavy emotions that are weighing on you, here is my podcast on controlling the ego and forgiving someone who wronged you.

 

Always remember:

Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at the big picture. It can be done in every moment by simply being aware of the space between objects, the silence between words and thoughts, and of the stillness. We usually miss these moments, but they are always there and these spaces are from where all forms arise. In some sense, space is more important than the stuff because without space there could be no existence.

The more we see the space, the more we see connections and how things exist in relation to one another. By moving beyond form we move beyond the senses and into the expanded consciousness of energy and relationships, intuition and instinct.

The easiest way to experience this spacious dimension is to close our eyes, sit in quiet, and turn our attention inward. Here is where we will discover our deepest sense of being and a perspective of the entire universe within us and of which we are a part. We don’t have to look up at a starry night to sense the awe and wonder of the infinite. It lies within each of us and is available to us anytime.

As the weather warms, the leaves grow back and the flowers bloom, let’s remember the impeccable balancing act of the universe. From harsh winters come blooming springs. We too are a microcosm of the universe. When there is stress and tension, let rest and recovery follow. From burdens may there be blessings. And may we find the peace within both.

PS: Not many are aware that meditation can help cure Restless Leg Syndrome. “How?” You ask? I will tell you all about it in this article.

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