Throughout various stages of life, nearly all of us will face some kind of abandonment, neglect, separation or avoidance by someone we care about. And, because we all go through difficult times in our lives, the chances are likely that we will be emotionally unavailable to the people we care about from time to time. It's a world full of trauma survivors traumatizing other people accidentally. But, the good news…
Q: Dear Todd, it's tough knowing that, (at the moment), I am the person bringing the people I love down. I know what living with "toxic negativity" is, but I am trying to forgive who I was and be a better me. I hope others can forgive me, (again), too. TODD ANSWERS: Awareness and good intentions are the first and the most important step of that healing and forgiving journey. Most…
Q: Dear Todd, shouldn't we respond with our true feelings to people who hurt us and not with love and kindness?TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me this question about how to respond to people who hurt us. I get it, believe me. Our first (unconscious) instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But this would be a reaction that lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. It is just…
If supermodels are insecure, if billionaires feel like failures, and if the world's greatest artists feel like imposters, how the heck are the rest of us supposed to feel worthy and good enough?! The truth is, value doesn't come from others' praise, worth doesn't come from wealth, and contentment doesn't come from achievement. If we only care about superficial things like money and looks, our lives will lack what truly…
Spirituality is a word that means something different to just about everyone. Some people think spirituality is about being kind to others at the expense of ourself. They think it means being taken advantage of, letting governments and people do anything they want, being passive, inactive, and naive. Other people think spirituality is all about selfish interests, self-love, self-care, and selfishly feeling happy despite the many problems in the world.…
Q: Dear Todd, either it is the generation, or something else, but I feel, people are too attached to stuff - money, sex, food, Netflix, cellphones, etc. Have you seen that movie "ripped" when they fly from the 80s to today and they go to a mall and everyone is with their cells, and they think they're in a math convention cos everyone has a "calculator", it is what's happening…
A few years ago I moved to a new neighborhood in New York. I didn’t know anyone in the area, but I was excited to explore and make new friends. One day on a walk, I ran into a dear old friend who I used to be very close with and found out he was practically my next door neighbor! We made plans to have dinner later that week and…
How Can You Not Be Attached to Family and Loved Ones?I know it seems strange at first, but the more we examine it, the more we will find that love without possessiveness or clinginess is a far greater and more powerful love. This is what true unconditional love looks like.When we love with attachment, we love with stress and anxiety too, constantly worrying, even if it’s imperceptible. This subconscious stress…
All fear stems from the same cause — our mind is trying to protect us from danger. But today, that mental relic is rearing its head even when we are not in any real physical danger. When we’re afraid of disappointing people, it tends to come from some experience in our past that left an indelible mark on our psyche. Someone at some time hurt us, made us feel worthless, and…
From Path to Peace With Todd Perelmuter NewsletterI heard a recent statistic that 27% of Americans are estranged from a close family member, and that number is likely far higher due to the stigma and shame around such difficult family situations. (More on how to survive a dysfunctional family in this podcast.)Relationships can be messy. We do not live in a utopia that cares first and foremost about creating healthy,…
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