No matter what we are suffering from, it tends to stem from us being stuck to a mental story about that thing that happened. Usually, the thing itself is long over, but we are unable to let go of the past. The past then shapes our present and can dictate our future as well. When we have been through a traumatic experience, there's really two things we need to do…
Learning to trust people after being lied to is not easy. It can fill us with confusion when dealing with others, we don’t know if we’re being too trusting or too cynical. We struggle to maintain a positive view of people while also protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of. Our brain has a way of creating strong memories of negative experiences as a defense mechanism to prevent them from…
A question I received recently was, "I added 4 inches of height to my dating profile. I now have dates lined up for the first time in my life. Now, I am tempted to keep it this way." These days, it may seem like everyone is stretching the truth on dating sites. Camera angles are purposefully mysterious, pixelated old photos hide our age, and the bios may better describe fictional…
We’ve all seen the memes about cutting out anyone in your life who drains your energy or doesn’t appreciate you. But those people too are clearly suffering and maybe we can help them. If we cut every person out of our lives who isn’t perfect, we’d have to cut everyone out of our lives, including ourselves. So where’s the line? How can we show compassion and forgiveness, but still protect…
We humans are a funny bunch of social creatures. We are not machines who can just change our emotions at will. And one of the things we crave almost as much, if not more so, than food is human connection.A hug or a hand on someone else's is the simplest yet most profound act of showing love and compassion. It can instantly transform our mental and emotional states. In just…
No one can bring out our best and worst selves quite like the people we're closest to. When approached mindfully, relationships can be incredible opportunities to grow in presence and as people. But when there is insecurity, doubt, jealousy, suspicion, or possessiveness in relationships, this can create a toxic, fertile soil for mindlessness and trouble to grow. Because most of us want to be in a relationship, we can cling…
Q: Dear Todd, I had someone pretend to like me for a year and then she told me that she was using me and that the whole time she hated me. It messed me up so much. I still think that everyone hates me because idk if I can trust people. What if they are like her? What if I’m annoying? Is there something wrong with me? I also hate…
All resenting stems from resisting. Resentment comes from resisting another person's actions, behaviors and habits. Instead of allowing the person to be, we silently resist who they are. That silent resistance turns into spoken or unspoken anger, distance and mutual hardship. The absolute best thing we can do when feeling resentment is to go from resisting to enlisting. Instead of feeling like we must either fight or silently suffer, we…
Dealing With Being GhostedWe’ve all been there. Someone texts you, you text back, and then, silence. Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes days, and sometimes never.Or, when dating, you might really like someone and you think, “This can really go somewhere,” but then they disappear. Sometimes you just keep waiting for that text which never arrives. You may cycle through every emotion: anger, confusion, sadness… You keep analyzing what…
Q: Dear Todd, my wife was the closest person to me and she died last year, and now I'm stuck on this hell rock of a planet. I'm not that close to a lot of my family. This woman I know who is a widow who I was getting close to, is now showing her true colors, and it's not in a good way. I'm really tired and waiting to…
If something here helped you feel less alone, would you help me keep it alive?
Even the smallest support matters.
Weekly Writings from the Desk of Todd Perelmuter
