Stress is not caused by stressful situations. Stress is caused by our expectations and desires for life to not be stressful. When we embrace that there will be stress, chaos, turmoil, and conflict in our lives, we can actually enjoy those experiences. When we try so hard to create and craft and mold this perfect, peaceful, calm life, which often ends up looking like isolation, solitude, and loneliness, because this is the only way to truly have a peaceful life in a world of messy individuals, we set ourselves up for suffering.

If our goal is a life free from stress, then whenever an unexpected or undesirable situation happens, we really stress. We really struggle. We have put so much time and energy into creating the perfect external life that the inevitable clash of egos or the moment we bump into an angry stranger becomes overwhelming. The conflict happens, and we react negatively, creating the stress response.

If we never lose sight of the fact that life is unpredictable, chaotic, and full of challenges, difficulties, and instability, then our expectations align with reality. We can override that initial stress response. We can truly enjoy difficult conversations, stressful circumstances, and unfortunate events. We can face whatever is difficult with tremendous strength, with no fear, no stress.

Panic is like pushing a self-destruct button. When we accept that life includes difficulties, struggles, conflict, obstacles, setbacks, and short-term failures, we live more truthfully with ourselves and others.

We may blame external situations, but even if someone has everything perfect, they will find something to stress about if they have not nurtured their awareness, stillness, presence, acceptance, letting go, and peaceful witnessing.

Comfort Zone is Uncomfortable

We often want to stay in our comfort zone, but look closely and we begin to notice that the comfort zone is actually uncomfortable. We feel suffocated. Our life becomes smaller. Our comfort zone becomes a prison.

There are really only two states we can be in:

• The comfort zone, which should be called the discomfort zone.
• The discomfort zone, which should be called the getting comfortable zone.
  
  

Stagnation, fear, doubt, worries, and stress all create discomfort. They push us to seek new experiences, where we grow and evolve. Growth and evolution are our natural state.

Life is a constant expansion of awareness. The more we see the comfort zone as the discomfort zone and the larger universe as the getting comfortable zone, the clearer the choice becomes. And truly, there is no choice. Only by embracing what is new, different, scary, and strange can we grow.

Staying Open as We Age

When we make embracing change and unpredictability a habit, we avoid becoming rigid, stubborn, and resentful with age. A flexible, open mind is essential to aging with kindness and wisdom.

This begins with embracing difficult, challenging, and scary, but safe things. You don’t need physical risk. You simply need to explore new experiences.

The biggest obstacle to stepping into the unknown is self-limiting beliefs:

• “I can’t.”
• “Not for me.”
• “I was just born this way.”
• “It won’t work for me because…”
  
  

Everyone can change completely. Whatever we believe becomes our reality.

Whatever excuse we have for playing it safe, someone in a harder situation overcame it. Whatever fears and doubts we have, someone with less has done more.

The Three Ways We Respond to Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts arise, we can:

1. Believe them and follow them.
2. Fight them and waste energy in inner conflict.
3. Take the middle path: notice the thoughts, accept their presence, and consciously create new thoughts.
   
   

The middle path is the wise path. Notice the thoughts. Appreciate your mindfulness. Acknowledge that these thoughts are not in your highest good. Forgive yourself for having them. Then gently replace them with thoughts that support you.

How Conscious Awareness Transforms Life

As we become more mindful, we begin to:

• Expect difficult moments instead of resisting them.
• Embrace the learning process.
• Respond to challenges with enthusiasm rather than fear.
• See failure as the price of growth.
  
  

Fear and excitement are the same emotion with different stories. One story is terror. The other is joy.

Whenever there is something you want to try and it is safe, ask yourself:

• What is the worst that can happen?
• How would I realistically handle it?
  
  

Most of the time, the worst-case scenario is mild. And most of the time, it never happens.

The more we see our comfort zone as a prison, the easier it becomes to break the bubble and reset the ego’s protective barrier. The ego tries to protect us, but it no longer knows the difference between real danger and emotional discomfort.

All fear and doubt come from the ego. Trust and openness come from the heart. When we quiet the ego, we hear our true self.

As we become more present and embrace the natural chaos of the world, we become free from fear and limitations. We also become more content with what we have because we are no longer afraid of losing anything.

Stepping out of our comfort zone becomes a joyful exploration, not to escape anything, but out of love for life.

The Two Components of Real Growth

Growth requires:

1. Embracing the constant change of the external world.
2. Appreciating whatever arises in the present moment.
   
   

To be happy all the time is not to avoid stressful situations. It is to love everything, even stressful situations.

When George Costanza felt like his life was going in the wrong direction, he decided to do the opposite of every impulse he had. Before he knows it, he’s got a new girlfriend, a new job at the Yankees, and a great new apartment.

Now, we don’t necessarily have to do the exact opposite, but this wisdom of Seinfeld does remind us that when the known is undesirable, one solution is to step into the unknown, to take a great leap of faith in ourselves and the universe.