There are two things taking place when we feel like our life is not going the way we hoped or wanted it to. When it feels like life didn’t go as planned, or when that quiet anxiety creeps in telling you that life is slipping away, the root usually comes back to these exact sources.
The first thing is expectations — those pesky things created by society, our loved ones, and our own biased assumptions about how life should be.
The second thing is a feeling of stuckness — that dull feeling, which lacks newness and excitement, that stems from repetitive and monotonous thoughts and behavior.
Releasing Expectations and Heavy Certainty
With expectations, it’s really best we get rid of them altogether. When we drop a ball, we can expect it to fall. But why put pressure on the ball? How about we just let the ball do what the ball is going to do? Expectations, whether we put them on other people or on the universe, communicate that we are more important than the universe, that we know better, and that we have the clarity and foresight to know what’s best for everybody in the long run.
Ultimately, we may all be wrong about everything. There are pros and cons with both sides of every issue. Wise expectations can only come when we are certain, and certainty just doesn’t exist in this world. We may expect a promotion, but instead we get laid off. But that layoff can open doors to better positions at better companies. And conversely, what you may think is best, may be worse off in the end.
Whether it’s being rich or having a family or traveling the world, ideas of success are subjective and all that matters is living a life that makes you happy. Everyone gets to live however they wish, and you deserve no less. It’s your adventure.
Breaking the Cycle of Feeling Stuck
With feeling stuck, there are many things we can do to shake things up and add some variety to our lives — exploring new places, trying new foods, cycling instead of driving, etc… But before we go quitting our jobs and changing cities, it’s important to ask ourselves if we are actually only trying to get away from that feeling inside of us.
Repetitive behavior doesn’t have to feel boring. Monotony doesn’t have to feel tedious. The fact is, it’s not the things we do that shape our experience. It’s the mental story we tell ourselves about our experiences. We can be a wealthy movie star and still feel stuck (just ask Jim Carrey). Or, we can be a garbage man and derive immense joy from our family, friends, and even a day’s honest work. It’s all in the mental story we tell ourselves.
Do This to Declutter Your Mind
Every day we’re bombarded with millions of messages and inputs from other people and the media we consume. It’s enough to fill any mind with junk and clutter. These daily bombardments of negativity are enough to grind anyone down. That’s why it’s so important to take some time each day to reset and recharge, to process the inputs, to recenter oneself, and to digest all this mental junk food, including stress-inducing news stories, mindfully. It is essential to finding peace in a hyperactive world.
The way to do this can be as simple as spending more time in nature, or even just looking at a flower or plant for an extended period of time. It can be making art or playing music. And of course, there is no greater way to tune out all external stimuli than to sit in meditation, watch your breath, be present and conscious of the present moment, allow thoughts to come and go, and simply watch the thoughts without getting lost in thought.
As you do this, you will notice that the external noise that fills up our internal world will get quieter and quieter until it is completely inaudible, peaceful and calm.
No matter where you are in life, appreciate how far you’ve come. No matter where you’ve been, be grateful for those experiences that made you who you are. No matter what you’re doing, give it your full attention. And may you find the wonder and adventure that lie within every moment.
The Art of Gratitude
No matter how dark a situation is, there is always something to find gratitude in. Discover how shifting your perspective transforms every challenge into growth and unlocks lasting inner peace.
3 Lessons to Free Yourself When Life Feels Stuck
When I decided to leave my job and go to the Far East to discover the secrets to life’s deepest questions, it took a solid two years before I saved up enough money to go. People stopped believing me that I was going to go, and I started to feel like life didn’t go as planned while my days were standing still.
When you are caught in that waiting period, it is easy to worry that life is slipping away. But I stuck to the plan, and it finally happened. Looking back from my experience, I wish someone had told me these three things to free myself from that feeling of stuckness:
1. People Who Feel Stuck Have Lost the Love for Life Itself
It’s no longer satisfying to just be alive and experience this vibrant world. Now we want to live as luxuriously as the people we see on social media. We expect a perfect life. We want our messy lives airbrushed and on a straight upward trajectory.
When real life happens, we resist the challenges instead of appreciating our growth. Practice remembering that there is infinite wonder in every single atom and every single moment. Practice seeing the world through this state of awe. Seek out beauty in everything and you shall find it everywhere.
Related: How to Find Yourself Through Spirituality
2. We Feel Stuck When We Feel We Have No Options
We always have options. Every option may come with trade-offs. Some may take time and we’ll have to develop patience and acceptance through the process.
But if we get creative, if we notice our insecurities, and if we remember that we are just as deserving and capable as anyone else at creating a life that fulfills us, then with confidence and positivity we’ll find the most beneficial and rewarding path forward. See where you want to go, make a plan to get there, take committed action, be nimble, be open, and be excited to take on the challenges as they come.
Recommended Reading: Do I Deserve Happiness?
3. At the Core of Any “Stuck” Feeling Is a Loss of Gratitude
Sometimes we can change our circumstances to feel unstuck, but often we’ll just become stuck in our new place because we haven’t changed our underlying mindset. Whether or not we can change our circumstances, we can always improve our inner environment.
We can always further develop our gratitude for the infinite blessings we experience in every moment. Immediately, negative feelings like “stuck” and discontentment will seem insignificant under the weight of our gratitude and all the positive things we’re focusing on in our life.
Whether or not we can change our circumstances, we can always improve our inner environment. Immediately, negative feelings like “stuck” and discontentment seem insignificant under the weight of gratitude.
A Mindful Practice for the Week
Whether you’re stuck or not, let’s practice some extra mindful awareness this week. The more present we are, the less we are thinking repetitive, cyclical thoughts. The more aware of our thoughts we are, the less they can weave self-destructive tales of inadequacy and impatience.
Put up a post-it note: “Goal #1 This Week: Watch Thoughts. If they’re useful and intentional, smile. If they’re useless and irrelevant, let them go… and smile.”
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10,000 Mental Steps: A Happiness Challenge
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