Very often in life, we say something we don’t mean. We react in anger. We make an impulsive decision, an unconscious choice, and later regret it. With a bigger, broader perspective, we see the error in our ways and feel a sense of regret or shame about it.

And we want to understand why we did this. We want to prevent it from happening again. So we have to understand the root causes of these impulsive, irrational, unconscious decisions.

Usually, we think of it only at the surface level. We think, I was thinking these things and they slipped out. How can I control myself? How can I say it in a kinder way? I said it in a frustrated way.

But the thing is, with every one of these unconscious mistakes, choices, and actions, we were expressing something within us. We felt the anger, the rage when we lost our temper. We felt the urge when we gave in to an impulsive choice. And in a moment of unawareness, we let it slip out of us.

But it wasn’t just the moment it came out that was the problem. The problem was why this was stirred up within us in the first place. 

Why did we feel this anger? 

Why did we feel this temptation? 

Why did we feel this conflict or some kind of unwise behavior arising within us to begin with?

The Root Cause of Unconscious Reactions

If we only deal with the symptom — the occasional outburst or impulsive tendency — then we will never get to the root cause of why we are repeating the conditioning of our past over and over again. Being present and aware of the root causes of our thoughts and impulses is what frees us from the conditioning of the past.

So we have to understand two things.

First, through observation, we have to recognize that we have these egos that are the accumulation of our past — our genetic past, our ancestors passing down their egos all the way to us. And they are stirring up trouble. They are the cause of conflict.

We do not need to get angry at somebody. We do not need to feel hurt by someone’s words. And we don’t need to give in to impulsive tendencies simply because we have done it over and over again in the past.

This is the ego stirring up trouble. It is the past invading our peaceful present.

We have this little agitator inside of us, this little stir of trouble, this survival mechanism that once truly helped humanity. It made sure we sought out comfort, safety, food, water, companionship, and avoided danger and threats.

In the old days, stress was often physical danger. Stress was a real threat. Today, the mind misinterprets every little annoyance as a personal or physical danger.

So we need to retrain this mind, this mental habit of unconscious reaction to every perceived offense. We even misperceive harmful pleasures, unhealthy habits, laziness, or destructive tendencies as comfort and safety because the ego still operates through that old survival mechanism.

For centuries, for millennia, human beings lived in conditions where there were real threats from other tribes or dangerous situations. So we became conditioned to remain on guard, always on edge, always ready for a fight.

2-Step Process for Maintaining Your Calm: Observe And Doubt

1. Observe the Ego

The first thing we have to do is simply observe this tendency for the ego to stir up trouble. Notice its nature. Notice how it drives motivation and survival, yet has become misguided in modern society.

2. Doubt the Ego

The second thing we must do is vitally important: make a habit of not only observing it, but doubting it.

We should not be so quick to believe every thought. We have to question it and create space between ourselves and the ego. We have to recognize that it does not always have our best interests at heart.

It means well, but it does not always know what is best. It does not always have the wisest, most patient, most compassionate, or even most self-compassionate perspective.

We have to start trusting our higher self more and trusting the ego less.

And this naturally happens when we pay attention and realize that the ego is like a scared child trying to stay safe, without truly knowing how to create real safety, joy, or fulfillment.

It doesn’t know how to think strategically, logically, or patiently. It seeks immediate relief, immediate comfort, immediate pleasure — even at the expense of long-term well-being.

Suppression Does Not Heal Us

These are the two reasons we act impulsively and react without thinking:

1. The conditioned ego is traumatized from generations of struggle and survival.
2. We believe these thoughts as objective truth.

We believe these thoughts are our true self. But with reflection and introspection, we begin to realize that the ego is the source of much of our suffering.

We already know how we should live. We know how we should treat others. We know how we should respond when someone is unkind to us. We know what we should be doing with our day.

And yet we still make harmful choices.

Those impulsive actions, those choices that go against our highest good, come from the ego and from our attachment to its thoughts.

When we do not follow this two-step process of observation and doubt, we may try to control only our outward behavior.

We may be furious inside while saying the exact “right” words to someone we love, yet they still feel hurt because the energy behind the words carries anger.

We may resist smoking, drinking, or unhealthy food, but internally the craving grows louder and louder until eventually, in a moment of weakness, we give in.

Or we bottle up anger and suppress rage until one day we explode — toward a loved one, at work, at a stranger, or even internally.

And sometimes that internal explosion manifests physically through chronic pain, inflammation, illness, anxiety, depression, or other stress-related suffering.

There is no way to continuously suppress that energy without consequences. Everything creates cause and effect, even our thoughts.

Thoughts are powerful.

So either we diffuse the bomb, or eventually it explodes.

The way we diffuse it is by removing the gunpowder from the ticking time bomb.

We have to recognize that we have traumatized children living inside us, relics from a far more hostile world. And everyone else has one too.

People are often like scared children, lashing out. So we can have compassion for others no matter what escapes their mouths.

And when our ego reacts to another person’s ego, we can simply witness the two children fighting while remaining in the higher self — just observing, just witnessing.

There is no need to react. No need to obey the ego.

If we were speaking to a traumatized child, we would respond with patience, understanding, and love. The same applies inwardly.

A troubled child left alone will create chaos. But when the child knows it is being lovingly watched — not judged, not hated, not feared — healing can begin.

That is when old patterns begin to break.

When the ego sees that its tantrums no longer control us, it slowly settles down. It matures. And eventually, it can even become our ally.

Peace Through Non-Identification

The more we stop listening to the ego when it stirs up conflict, anger, division, or fear, the more it begins aligning itself with our higher intentions. It starts moving toward love, compassion, intuition, wisdom, and oneness. There is no conflict outside of egos.

When we stop participating in the division created by our own ego, we can no longer truly live in conflict — not with ourselves and not with others.

And in this alignment, the tension within us begins to disappear.

We stop feeling like a tightened rubber band ready to snap.

The tightness in the body, the stiffness in the neck, back, and joints often begins to soften when we stop forcefully suppressing thoughts and emotions and instead peacefully witness them.

We can hear any ego crave unhealthy pleasures, destructive behavior, or unkind words and simply recognize: this is just the ego being the ego.

Not the true self.

Even after weeks or months of inner observation, we still recognize the ego as the ego. We no longer mistake it for who we truly are.

And gradually, the ego itself becomes healthier, wiser, calmer, and more beneficial. It becomes something we can pass on to future generations in a healthier form.

A healthier ego nurtures healthier people around us. And collectively, humanity itself matures. This is how division lessens. This is how we move toward oneness. This is how we create the world we truly want to live in.

It is not simply about thinking before we speak or act. It is about changing the way we think altogether. It is about raising consciousness and becoming more present and aware of what is happening within the mind and around us.

It is tuning into the higher wisdom within us that does not merely think — it knows. It is not confused. It is not endlessly searching for answers. It is peaceful, fulfilled, whole, and content.

As Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”

From Reaction to Presence

At first, when we begin witnessing our thoughts, we may only catch ourselves at the end of a reaction. Maybe we stop ourselves after yelling the last word. Over time, the awareness grows. Eventually, we catch ourselves earlier and earlier.

Then one day, before reacting, we remember: These thoughts are not objective reality. They are not my highest self.

And slowly, the gap between impulse and awareness becomes shorter and shorter until presence itself becomes natural.

Pure peace. Calmness. Clarity.

Eventually, we reach a state where we no longer have to constantly monitor ourselves because in true peace, compassion, and egolessness, it becomes impossible to intentionally harm others or ourselves.

Instead of acting from thought, we act from the watcher, the witness — always mindful, always peaceful.

And then we are truly free.