A question I received recently was, “I added 4 inches of height to my dating profile. I now have dates lined up for the first time in my life. Now, I am tempted to keep it this way.”

These days, it may seem like everyone is stretching the truth on dating sites. Camera angles are purposefully mysterious, pixelated old photos hide our age, and the bios may better describe fictional people from our imaginations.

So what is the balance? 

Where is the line between self-promotion and downright deception? 

And does it even matter? 

Do truthful people get ahead, or do the swindlers of the world always get their mate?

It can be very tempting to fudge a little here and exaggerate a little there in our dating profiles in order to attract people that we think we would like to connect with.

And it’s very possible that we get some dates, maybe even get a couple of second dates. But obviously, these exaggerations will be found out.

Eventually, they can really only take you so far. 

So the question really becomes, do you want to start a relationship based on dishonesty? 

Do you really want to attract a mate who has superficial demands? 

And do you really want to start a relationship out of insecurity and a lack of confidence?

Or do you think it’s more likely that when you overcome this insecurity, which may be mostly in your own mind, and turn it to your advantage, when you truly own it, that’s where real attraction and magnetism come from? 

Because confidence is the most attractive quality to a potential partner.

So the question really just comes down to: do you want first dates, or do you want a lasting relationship? Do you want a person who cares about how people feel on the inside, how they think and act, or how they are physically presenting?

Oftentimes, when someone is focused on looks and physicality, they do that out of a lack of inner richness and spiritual wealth. They look at themselves through the same superficial lens that they see everyone else. So if you want a superficial relationship, then by all means, fudge away.

But if you want something deeper, if you want something lasting, if you want a relationship built on trust, mutual respect, kindness, and love, then it may be worth it to have fewer dates with more quality people.

And if you’re fudging the numbers, you may get lots of first dates, but there may be no second dates with someone who would actually care for you for who you are. Because once the lie inevitably gets found out, they may not want a second date — whereas the right person would have, if there had been honesty upfront. 

So I think a better choice is to make peace with what we’re least secure about. There are many beautiful people out there, inside and outside, who don’t care about the things we are insecure about. What they do care about is confidence and inner strength, as well as honesty.