I Lost My Soulmate. How Do I Let Go of My Love?

Losing a soulmate can mean the loss of a partner due to death, divorce, or unrequited love. I will cover all three cases and discuss how to survive each one.

Case 1) Lost My Soulmate: Grieving Over the Loss of a Partner

There is no person we will ever be closer to than our spouse. We share beds, we share every secret, and they are the person we rely on for strength and support. When we lose them, they leave the biggest hole in our hearts and in our lives.

The only thing that will ever fill that hole is love. Not love for a new partner, but pure love — love for this moment, love for God or the universe, love for life itself. We have to get back to living, and the way is love.

But how do we do that when there is immense anger, hatred and pain?

Don’t see pain as bad. See it as the beginning of healing. When we cut ourself, the body heals the wound immediately, effortlessly. The pain is the indicator to the body to heal a particular area. When there is physical pain, our healing journey can begin.

So too in our lives, when there is the pain of loss, that means the healing has begun. When there is the pain of heartache, the mending has begun. These are processes that are here for our benefit.

If there was no pain, a child would not pull their hand out of fire. Pain is good. It is our body’s incredible power of healing — physical, mental and spiritual. When you are grateful for pain and suffering, it eases.

Don’t be afraid of the pain. Feel it, face it, and love it because it is love. Pain is not here to hurt you, it’s here to heal you.

Don’t be afraid to live again. Give yourself permission to heal and be happy. You don’t have to succeed right away, but the journey starts with permission. Your loved one would want you to be happy and cherish every moment — the good times and the painful healing times.

Q: Dear Todd, I lost my soulmate. I know he is gone and am trying to let go. I have to let go or the grief will kill me. But how do you let go of love? Is it even possible because it is the only thing that hasn’t changed? My love for him is part of me.

TODD ANSWERS: Never let go of love. He won’t either. But he also wants you to live. That’s our responsibility to them. Your love is not in the clothes. It will hurt after they’re gone, but only the fabric will be gone. You don’t have to worry about losing the love.

I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know it must be the worst thing imaginable. I wish for you that you’re able to channel your deep love for him into your life. Keep him with you; make him proud. Have faith. I have seen time and time again that the strength we gain from our loved ones is more than enough to sustain us through their loss.

The Miracle of Death: Award-Winning Spiritual Film

“Nothing is Ever Gone”

Case 2) Lost My Soulmate: Surviving Breakups and Divorce

In some ways, divorce and breakups can be just as hard, if not harder, than death. This is for three reasons.

Society doesn’t support or allow people going through breakups the time to grieve.
Losing someone, no matter how we lose them, is traumatic, Earth-shattering and soul-crushing. When we stop speaking to someone who was our whole world, we need to give ourselves the time to grieve.

Setting aside a little time everyday, and perhaps a little more time on the weekends, is necessary to process our thoughts and emotions.

Feelings like anger, confusion and betrayal may be present
Breakup and divorce feel to our subconscious mind the exact same as losing someone to death, but it also comes with so many other painful emotions.

Just like how our subconscious mind learns to automatically act out our habits, it also has to unlearn the habits of expecting someone to be there for us. This is painful, especially when the breakup was not our choice.

It’s one thing to consciously choose to move on, but we really need to reprogram our subconscious mind to heal, forgive, and let go. We do this the same way we make any new habit — repetition.

Mindfulness must become the new habit. We must be in a constant state of watchfulness over our thoughts and emotions. We can even set aside some time everyday or week to wishing our ex well, and to practice gratitude for the new opportunities our new life ahead presents. The more this becomes a habit, the less we hold on to our old life. This is how we move forward in peace.

There’s still a chance
What do we do when we are consumed with thoughts about what we should do — should we try to win them back, or should we move on?

This is a case-by-case basis. In some cases, our ex has already found someone else. In others, there may be something we can do. Either way, we must make their happiness a priority. That way, we win no matter what.

If there is some uncertainty about getting back together, we must walk that middle path between trying and not trying. We don’t want to get our hopes up, but we don’t want to give up too early either. This is what it means to try without trying.

We must improve ourselves if we had some responsibility in the breakup, we must make a good effort, but we have to trust the universe as well.

To do this, we must stay mindful of the mindset of the other person, not just our own. There are two people’s lives at stake, not just one. We can easily get so consumed with what we want, that we fail to see what the other person is trying to tell us, or what is best for both people.

Stay open, follow your heart, but listen to the other person’s heart as well. Not all relationships can be mended. You will only know for sure when there is clarity, and there can only be clarity when we are fully calm and present.

So be sure to take time to relax, don’t fear being alone, and don’t fear the unknown. Every challenge is an opportunity for growth and for new and exciting adventures.

Case 3) Lost My Soulmate: Surviving Unrequited Love

Sometimes we find our soulmate, and sometimes our soulmate thinks otherwise. Even if we dated someone for a brief time, getting dumped sucks. The movies tell us to never give up, but in reality that often comes off needy and desperate. So what are we to do?!

Prepare yourself for the hard truth. If the love of your life stops answering your calls, they weren’t the one. That may sound bad, but it’s actually a blessing. This gives us the freedom to keep on searching for our soulmate.

We can be grateful for any chance to move on. It puts us one step closer to finding true love.

Every rejection is an opportunity to learn something. Not about changing ourselves, but about how we can be more authentically ourselves, and what kind of person we’re truly looking for.

So often, we’re looking for someone society tells us is desirable. There are a billion clues in the media about what is attractive and what kind of person is enviable. But these cues condition us into believing things that are not necessarily true for us.

So dig deep. Be more you. Become the best version of yourself. Your true soulmate will notice. Every great love story, no matter who it’s with, starts with the love we have for ourself — our true self. Take the journey within, in the book, Finding Your True Self: A Love Story.

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