What to Do About Anxiety Stemming from Lacking a Social Circle, Friends, and Connection?
We are social creatures. It’s an evolutionary advantage to live in close communities that look out for each other.
Relationships nourish us and provide tremendous meaning in our lives. There’s no substitute for them.
But, some people are natural loners. Some people choose to be alone, and others find solitude forced upon them. There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to whether we live as a hermit meditating in a cave (assuming we have no other responsibilities), or as a social butterfly in the big city.
For whatever reason we may find ourselves alone, if it stirs up painful feelings, or if we find it frustratingly difficult to connect with people, spirituality can help us make peace with those realities. It can give us strength to keep trying, to stay positive, and live the kind of joyful and fun life that other people will naturally gravitate towards.
Here’s how to do that.
How Can We Discover Ourselves Spiritually?
The answer to this question, like all questions, lies within. When we turn our attention inward, which is as simple as closing our eyes, we reconnect with that awareness that lies beyond the physical dimension. This is where our spiritual nature can be found.
Everything physical is temporary. Most of us spend most of our lives attached to temporary physical phenomena and physical pleasures. This attachment to impermanence inevitably causes suffering.
The key is to realize the empty space and stillness within and around us. This is the changeless, eternal calm from where lasting peace and joy arise. This is our spiritual nature.
There is more empty space all around us than there is stuff. There is more silence than there is sound. Yet that little bit of stuff and sound tend to take up all our attention. They fill up our entire field of conscious awareness and we lose touch with the deeper truth of our existence.
To be spiritual is to see the larger perspective. It is to expand our consciousness beyond objects. It is to see relationships, energy, how things are connected, how the law of cause and effect plays out, all of which ultimately gives us the fully expanded view of oneness that we can all awaken to.
How to Embark on a Spiritual Journey to Find Ourselves
There are many paths to the top of a mountain. Some may be easier and quicker than others, but there is no shortcut and there is no one else who can hike that mountain for you. There will be guides along the way who can share the path that worked best for them. But everyone is different.
The spiritual journey is one of self-discovery. To know the Self is to know the universe entire. We learn who we are both in how we engage with the world, and in how we engage with ourselves. We do not have to leave our city or country. We only have to enter our self.
Ironically, we are all born enlightened beings, like every other animal on the planet. So to go on the spiritual journey, we first have to unlearn the things that separated us from our true selves. We need to let go of the baggage we’ve accumulated throughout our lifetimes. Like an onion, we have to unravel the layers that we have built up that obscure the truth of oneness.
In meditation, we can practice wisdom beyond thinking. In this state of being, there is no doubt or uncertainty. There is only peace, knowing, and love.
By practicing presence throughout our day, we can let go of the past and the future. We can flow with ease through our day and through our lives. We can maintain awareness of our thoughts, emotions, and tension in our body. And we can never again lose ourselves to the heavy emotions of anger and fear.
It is simply a matter of habit. How often do we catch ourselves thinking mindlessly? How often do we remember to be where we are? How often do we remember to relax our body and calm our breathing? The more we practice, the quicker it becomes a habit.
Sometimes going on a meditation retreat or getting out of our ordinary lives can help us get started. But if we don’t incorporate what we’ve learned into a daily practice, we will fall back into old patterns very quickly. So in this way, it can be even more advantageous to begin a daily spiritual practice in your regular everyday life.
Some meditation in the morning and evening (start small and work your way up slowly), a gratitude before each meal and then more often throughout the day, and as many mindful conscious breaths as you can remember. Set up mindfulness reminders around your home and on the homescreen of your phone. They can be personal notes or Buddha statues or even Jesus. Whatever reminds you to take a mindful moment to breathe is all you need.
Stay mindful of attached, desirous thoughts that take you over. Stay mindful of stress and worries. As you do this, the ego — the thinking mind — becomes less powerful, and your higher wisdom becomes stronger. Naturally your intentions, thoughts and actions will become more aligned as you break free from the likes and dislikes you once identified with. You will become the ever silent, peaceful watcher, rather than the chaotic thinker that you witness.
As we detach from our thoughts and from material possessions, from greed and selfishness, and as we become more selfless and loving, we will no longer be imprisoned by this physical world and we will experience heaven on Earth.
When we think we are our thoughts, we let them dictate our emotions and we suffer. When we discover who we truly are, thoughts become simply the appearance of words in our mind arising within our field of conscious awareness, no different than if we heard it on the radio. Take the journey within, in the book, Finding Your True Self: A Love Story.
Take the Journey Within
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