There is something I’ve noticed throughout my life that has been consistent, and I’ve noticed it in every other person’s life I’ve had the chance to witness. I call it the Law of Best Possible Outcomes. What I mean is that even though terrible things happen in all of our lives, some more than others, I’ve noticed that these often tragic events become turning points. They lead us to new…
No matter what we are suffering from, it tends to stem from us being stuck to a mental story about that thing that happened. Usually, the thing itself is long over, but we are unable to let go of the past. The past then shapes our present and can dictate our future as well. When we have been through a traumatic experience, there's really two things we need to do…
Q: Dear Todd, not every moment is pleasurable, in my opinion. When your car slides off the edge of an icy logging road and time slows down, you're going to feel instinctual, epigenetic fear coursing through your body. Maybe there's a yogi who experiences bliss during traumatic events, but I would guess that at that point, you're ready for Nirvana. And is that really Nirvana if you experience trauma, fear,…
Throughout various stages of life, nearly all of us will face some kind of abandonment, neglect, separation or avoidance by someone we care about. And, because we all go through difficult times in our lives, the chances are likely that we will be emotionally unavailable to the people we care about from time to time. It's a world full of trauma survivors traumatizing other people accidentally. But, the good news…
We always have two choices in life: face or fester. You can either face your fears and overcome them, or you can let them fester underneath the surface.I have a dear friend who was the walking embodiment of fear. She was afraid of everything: ghosts, the water, even dogs. She told me she had “zero interest in spirituality,” but she let me teach her a simple meditation. She resisted a…
Learning to let go is a lot harder when it's letting go of childhood trauma. When we're young, experiences will shape how we see the world for the rest of our lives. It becomes deeply engrained and becomes that much harder to heal from. But there are ways to do it. It is possible to reach deep into our psyche and pull out those weeds of trauma and plant beautiful…
How to Get Rid of Bad Habits When There is Unprocessed TraumaAll addiction stems from unprocessed trauma. We feel some kind of pain, lack, discomfort or discontent in our body, and we seek out pleasures to provide relief. When we rely on that relief as a crutch to end those negative thoughts, it becomes an addiction.Every time we repeat a bad habit we strengthen those neural pathways in our brain,…
Some doctors and scientists believe that repressed (and suppressed) emotions are the number one cause of chronic pain, mental health disorders and addiction. Even though we may seem very happy and joyful, on the inside we may be harboring very destructive and painful emotions that we aren't even aware of. To deal with repressed emotions, we must first recognize the telltale signs, explore their origins, and allow ourselves to feel…
Q: Dear Todd, I have been sexually assaulted and betrayed by many. I have been struggling emotionally to move on when there is so much injustice around. What advice do you have for me?Todd Answers: You’re a very strong survivor. I hope you are able to give yourself the time and love to feel and then heal from those traumatic events. Be patient with yourself, don’t focus on outcomes or…
Maybe predators smell fear. Maybe it's sensed. Or maybe there is some quantum mechanics going on. But for whatever reason, when people see themselves as victims, they're more likely to become victimized. This has been demonstrated by people walking down the street. They are more likely to be attacked or robbed if they think they might be. In contrast, people who exude a calm confidence don't get bothered as much.…
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