How to Cope With Painful Emotion of Grief

The richness of our inner world is infinite and vaster than the limited material world. But when we spend our lives attached to the material world, we lose sight of the infinite. We focus on things so much that we lose sight of the space that connects all things.

In truth, we can only hear and see a small fraction of the light and sound spectrum. Matter is made up almost entirely of empty space and energy, yet we fall for the illusion of permanence. Thus, attachment and change cause suffering.

Meditation teaches us to let go of attachment by recognizing the temporary, illusory nature of reality. In meditation, thoughts come and go, and pains and sensations arise and fall away.

Moreover, by staying present, we are constantly learning to let go of any attachments that come up in meditation. It’s one thing to know that all things change, but by experiencing that in a regular meditative practice, we can begin to truly accept every loss and change in our lives.

When Loss Feels Unbearable: How to Cope

Whether it’s the loss of someone close, going through a separation, losing a pet, financial loss, or loss of health, experiencing intense grief is one of the most difficult challenges we can face in our lives. When we experience loss, we ourselves feel lost.

While there is nothing I can say to ease the pain of loss, I can share a little insight into the nature of grief, why we feel it, what it is, what it does, and how a daily meditation practice can help us more quickly reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

Coping with painful emotions like grief requires two things: wisdom and experience.

By learning about the nature of our grief, greater insight and wisdom can occur. But learning is not enough. To fully understand anything, we have to put what we’ve learned into practice.

In meditation, we experience witnessing our pain firsthand. The more we witness the pain, the less we become identified with it, and the more we become identified as the peaceful watcher.

As we practice observing the pain, our understanding of it grows, and the less power it has over our lives.

Why Grief Feels Overwhelming

When we face a sudden and tragic change in our lives, our body and mind are unable to quickly adjust to the new reality. We have become so accustomed to having this person or thing in our lives that the loss feels unbearable.

We don’t know how to live with such loss, and our thoughts, feelings, and body go into shock.

Everyone experiences grief differently and for different lengths of time. Feelings of guilt or trauma may accompany grief. Our impulse is often to ignore it, but this can make it worse and delay the final stage of grief: acceptance.

At its core, grief is intense resistance to loss. Our strong desire for the person or thing to come back creates immense mental and physical suffering.

Because we’ve become so attached, the loss creates unbearable pain. It is this resistance, pain, and desire that cause our grief.

Even though we know that everything in our lives is temporary, we still become attached and mistakenly think of things as permanent. We fall for the illusion of permanence and desperately hold on. It’s only natural. But when the illusion is shattered, so are we.

Besides intense sadness, depression, loneliness, and anxiety, grief can take a toll on the body as well. Because we love deeply, grief often impacts heart health and can lead to cardiovascular issues, including heart attacks.

The strain on the body can weaken the immune system as stress hormones become imbalanced. Severe stress from grief can cause pain in the joints, back, and neck. Headaches are also very common.

In addition, grief can affect eating habits. Nausea, upset stomach, and irritable bowel syndrome can also be triggered. The intense emotions associated with grief can be draining and can disturb sleep, worsening fatigue.

In some cases, people turn to harmful coping mechanisms such as drugs, alcohol, tobacco, overeating, or undereating. These choices can lead to long-term damage to the body.

A Two-Step Process for Coping with Grief

Step 1: Wisdom

First, understand that this, like everything in life, will pass. Try to let go of expectations and allow whatever comes to come. Don’t resist how you feel.

Accept it. Everything in life is constantly changing. All suffering comes from attachment. Welcome whatever comes, and let go of whatever goes. You don’t have to make peace with the situation; just try to make peace with your thoughts and feelings.

Step 2: Experience

Healing from grief doesn’t happen overnight, but a deeply relaxing meditative practice can be the first step.

In meditation, we observe the nature of reality. We observe the nature of our mind. Moreover, we observe the sensations in our body.

We learn that everything we experience in the world is actually experienced as a projection in our own mind. Thoughts and emotions arise and fall away. Sense perceptions emerge and disappear. Everything is in constant flux, changing from one moment to the next.

The more we observe this, the more we understand on a deep level that everything shall pass, and nothing is unbearable if we are able to let go of our attachment and expectations.

Healing Through Presence

This is a practice that takes time and is meant to be done gently, with self-love and compassion, with no expectations or feelings of failure. It is simply the act of sitting with your thoughts and emotions, without external distractions, and allowing your mind and body to relax and heal.

When we’re grieving, we need time to work through our pain. Meditation for grief and loss gives us the time and safe space to do just that. There is no better way to process grief than by sitting or lying down, closing your eyes, and turning your attention inward.

We often feel as though these painful thoughts and emotions are too much to bear. But it is precisely this resistance that makes them unbearable.

When we sit with ourselves and observe our thoughts and emotions as they come and go, we begin to see that they are not as overwhelming as they seem. They are merely thought-forms, arising and passing away.

By the end of a 20–30 minute meditation, we often find ourselves feeling and thinking in a completely new way.

Meditation is about accepting the present moment, surrendering to it fully, and allowing it to be.

In meditation for grief and loss, we let go of longing. We let go of attachment to the past. We become present, feeling the breath, aware of the body and surroundings.

In this moment, there is peace.

Meditation allows us to see the impermanent nature of all things, thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Once we see this, we stop grasping for what has passed and begin accepting what is.

The road is not always easy, but it will take you where you need to go.

If you’d like a little more support, I’ve put together some free grief resources here.