Someone recently asked me how to handle situations when a person does or says something hurtful. I get it, believe me. When learning how to react when someone hurts you, our first unconscious, instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But responding out of rage lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. Reacting with anger simply isn't an effective way to communicate. People’s walls immediately go up, and they…
At the heart of every conflict is at least one or two outsized egos. These egos tear families apart, break up lovers, ruin friendships, and turn strangers into enemies. So how did we get here? Why do we have these egos? Are our egos protecting us or hurting ourselves and our relationships? Understanding the Link Between Ego and Forgiveness To feel negativity towards someone else is no different from feeling…
Q: Dear Todd, shouldn't we respond with our true feelings to people who hurt us and not with love and kindness?TODD ANSWERS: Someone recently asked me this question about how to respond to people who hurt us. I get it, believe me. Our first (unconscious) instinctual reaction is to respond with anger. But this would be a reaction that lacks wisdom, patience, perspective, and most importantly, efficacy. It is just…
To be alive is to be on a lifelong mission of learning. That means that we will have regrets, mistakes, failures, setbacks and difficult challenges in our lives. While we think our past determines our present, it's actually how we relate to our past that matters. In this podcast, I talk about how we can change our relationship with a difficult past. I share ways we can reframe our pain,…
Q: Dear Todd, my girlfriend told me she hates me and wants me to die a horrible death. Should I forgive her? TODD ANSWERS: Forgive her, yes. Break up with her, maybe also yes (although that’s a personal decision only you can make). The definition of forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It doesn’t mean telling them you forgive them.…
Q: Dear Todd, “Am I supposed to be grateful for abuse and love my abuser?" Is that what spirituality is teaching me? TODD ANSWERS: I receive a lot of questions that contain a few common misperceptions about spirituality. For example, people will ask, "Does spirituality mean just being passive? Am I supposed to be grateful for abuse and love my abuser?" Spirituality is not passive or weak. It is not…
Sometimes (all the time), we are our own worst critic. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never tolerate anyone else speaking to us. We believe our own criticism and we have a hard time believing our own — or other people's — praise.Today, Todd talks about this baggage from our past that we carry with us, and how to set it down. The past can never be negative. It was…
Q: Dear Todd, if mean people who hurt others have a "disconnect from infinite joy and peace within", then what about those people who have had horrible lives and yet don't hurt people or lie, cheat, etc…? Aren't we just giving these mean people a free pass? Making an excuse for them? TODD ANSWERS: I definitely don’t give them a pass, but I just don’t know what good comes from…
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