We live in a world that, at times, can seem to celebrate and reward the greediest among us. We live by our own code of values and morals, yet we see people who are unencumbered by ethics get ahead and who seemingly don’t have a care in the world.
But the truth is, there is a greater joy than the fleeting pleasure of accumulation. There is a greater and lasting peace that comes from developing meaningful relationships rather than taking advantage of others.
The Misunderstood Path to True Happiness
Fleeting Pleasure vs. Lasting Joy
There’s an old saying that we all want to be happy, but true happiness is when others are happy. And the deepest happiness we can experience is when those around us are happy because we made them happy. That is the greatest feeling. It’s not fleeting pleasure, it’s lasting joy, the kind that comes from giving the greatest gift to someone else.
The Roots of Harmful Behavior
Many people in the world, through no fault of their own, perhaps due to military conflict, poverty, or traumatic upbringings, have never experienced this joy. In fact, they may only know the fleeting pleasure that comes from laughing at the suffering of others or finding momentary satisfaction in someone else’s pain. But there is a better way of living — peaceful, joyful, and harmonious with everyone around us — and it is possible.
Understanding the Root Cause: Unawareness
So it’s not our job to condemn others; it’s our responsibility to lift them up. This doesn’t mean putting ourselves in compromising situations, and it doesn’t mean allowing our joy to be drained.
It simply means we recognize the root cause: a lack of awareness. This ignorance, not stupidity, but the simple unawareness of the consequences of one’s actions, both for others and for oneself, is what leads to harmful behavior.
Teaching Through Conscious Action
If we are conscious of the fact that doing good for others brings us our greatest, most lasting joy, then we naturally do it. Learning how and why to respond with love to people who hurt us isn’t about weak submission; it is a conscious act of protecting our own peace. And if we are aware of that truth, we can show it to others. We can teach without depleting ourselves. We can give without losing any part of ourselves.
Protecting Your Energy While Spreading Joy
Staying Connected Within
We do this by staying in touch with ourselves, staying connected with how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and protecting our energy, even as we share it with the world. We share in a way that rejuvenates us, in a way that gives us more energy, because we’re doing the most meaningful thing a person can do: spreading love and joy.
Responding to Hurt with Compassion
When we see someone acting out in anger or pain, it’s easy to judge. It’s easy to hate and resist. But if we expand our perspective and become mindful of what that hate is doing to us, there is really only one option: to help, to share, and to remain open. That is always better than closing off.
And this is how we create a world where we don’t have to keep asking, “Why do people lash out and hurt others?” Because in a world where we see ourselves as one family, their happiness becomes just as important as our own. And this is how we create a world where everyone knows, deeply and truly, that love and compassion are the only way.
Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter
How Do We Stop Believing Negative Comments from Others?
Most people tend to hear negative stories about themselves or others and believe those. It’s very difficult for many people to believe positive stories about themselves. And it doesn’t always come from others, often it comes from our own mind. Our own mind tells a negative, fear-based story, and it shapes a pessimistic and scary world for us.
Whether someone says something rude or critical and we believe it, or our own mind says it, at the end of the day it is the story of our mind. Because when someone says something critical, our mind has to either choose to believe it or choose to believe something else.
Why the Mind Chooses Fear
And because our egos, which were survival tools for living in tribes and in nature, are not really fit for having a joyful, happy life in this eight-billion-person world, the mind tends to choose fear. It looks for threats, for something missing, for danger. Understanding why we get hurt when people say mean things comes down to this instinctual response. So it’s easier to believe the negative story.
But we don’t live in that survival world anymore. We rarely have to defend ourselves from bears, and we are not standing at the edge of a cliff every day. So we have to be aware: it is the ego, the thinking mind, creating so much of this negative story. And just by becoming aware of that story, we can respond to it. We don’t have to believe it. We can consciously choose to believe a story that makes us happier, more confident, optimistic, and peaceful.
Reclaiming Authority Over Your Reality
When someone says something mean, we can notice the story forming, and then interpret it in a way that serves us. To interpret it any other way is madness and laziness.
If we put even a little effort into looking at a mean comment deeply, we see there is no basis for that person to have authority over our truth. And we can see that a person who speaks with cruelty is clearly trapped in their own pain and negative story.
Any good person lifts people up. Only hurt people try to bring others down. That doesn’t mean they are bad, it means they are struggling too. And they are not the arbiters of reality.
You have more knowledge, insight, and authority about who you are than anyone else ever will. No one will ever be inside your mind but you.
So the correct conclusion is this: interpret reality in the way that best serves you. When someone says something kind, accept it as the honesty of a kind person. And when someone says something cruel, understand they are suffering. Respond with compassion, and with a stronger sense of self-worth, not a weaker one.
ALONENESS TO ONENESS
A transformative documentary on stepping beyond the ego, shifting from loneliness to aloneness, and recognizing our shared interconnected nature.
“Loneliness is when being alone causes suffering, but aloneness is ultimately recognizing others as yourself—realizing that you are one with everything.”
