Some people want to kill their ego. Others want to dissolve it. And yet others will say just make peace with it. So what is it? Violence certainly doesn’t sound good. Is it even possible to dissolve it? Peace sounds good, but the ego tends to not be very peaceful.

In order to dissolve the ego, we must first understand the nature of the ego. Every single conflict on earth comes from the ego.

It is a very low level of awareness and intelligence that we too often confuse with our true selves and our highest form of intelligence. But the fact of the matter is, the ego doesn’t even exist.

It is non-physical, and merely the result of electricity firing throughout the neurons in our brain, creating a mental illusion — often words and images — in order to deconstruct the infinitely complex universe around us.

It only exists if it can trick us into believing that it is us. And it does this by creating an illusion of self-importance. Every ego, no matter how big or small, is an inflated ego — which is to say, more self-important than it actually is. And it can only have this illusion of self-importance if it convinces us that it is in charge of us.

Even though our true selves are able to ignore or listen to it, which is to say, we are actually in control, not the ego.

If it can convince us that it is in charge, that it is in charge of our mental and emotional state, and in charge of our actions, behaviors, and habits, then it can control us. Then it has two arms and two legs, and a mouth and a whole human body at its disposal. If it is caught as a non-existent illusion, then it becomes powerless. And it fears its own death.

So it will fight at nothing to maintain its importance. It will come up with every trick in the book and every distraction it can to make us forget that there is a higher consciousness within us.

It will do any number of tricks, such as self-compliments that further inflate the ego and boost our feeling of self-importance. And if that doesn’t work, it’ll turn to self-criticism and self-judgment and become completely negative, convincing us how much we need this ego on our side.

If we try to sit in meditation, or even just observe a flower or a sunset without the constant mind chatter, it will try to create a very entertaining and compelling story. It will try to get you to remember all those great memories you’ve had — anything to take you out of the moment. Because when you are in the moment, when you are fully present, there is no thought. You can’t be lost in thought and fully present at the same time. As soon as you’re thinking something, you are taken out of the here and now and lost in a mental story.

That is the ego’s doing. The more it can talk, and you listen, the more power it has, and the greater the chances that you will identify with it and engage with it constantly.

Because, as I said, the ego’s biggest fear is its own death. And any moment without thought, to the ego, is death. The ego is like a little child. It is incredibly impatient. It has no real concept of delayed gratification. It’s all about me, me, me — now, now, now. And if it doesn’t get what it wants — whether it’s some addiction, some pleasure, some physical desire — it will throw a temper tantrum until it finally has you paying attention to it.

It doesn’t have a big perspective. It has a very narrow perspective, and all it knows is this moment. And if it isn’t getting exactly what it wants, if everything isn’t exactly perfect according to the ego, it will go berserk.

This is seen when we try to go without some favorite food for an extended period of time, or if our phone dies and we have to just stare at our shoes while standing in line at the post office. The ego knows no patience and no quiet peacefulness. It is, by its very nature, a chaotic monkey mind — as it’s often called — swinging from thought to thought, topic to topic, aimlessly and wildly.

Over 90% of our thoughts are repetitive and negative, which means they are not useful. And we are not consciously choosing them. In fact, they are completely unconscious, unintended thoughts that cause our own suffering and disturb our inner peace — all to keep that constant drama going.

The ego needs constant entertainment, constant pleasure, constant praise and affection and compliments — and it freaks out at the slightest bit of criticism or negative feedback.

And the bigger the ego, the bigger the target for criticism. That is why we see so much insecurity in narcissists. The bigger the narcissist, the bigger the insecurity. We see time and time again that they are unable to handle criticism and need constant praise.

This is why so many people are always on that up-and-down roller coaster of life — that mental roller coaster from highs to lows — and why steady peacefulness is so elusive.

The ego is even very good at convincing us that we need it. That’s the whole thing with the ego. It will tell us we can’t meditate. That voice saying meditation is too hard, it’s pointless, quit, give up — that is the ego. These are the most normal thoughts that come into the mind when anyone begins meditating.

And this is the ego fighting for dear life. It will play every song, movie, and conversation we’ve ever had in our head over and over to entertain us and distract us, to keep us thinking we can’t meditate. And the more we try to quiet the ego, the louder it gets.

This is quite simply because we cannot fight the ego.

It is a part of us. And the more we fight it, the more we focus on it. The more we focus on it, the more attention and energy we give it. And the more attention and energy we give it, the stronger it becomes.

So in order to dissolve the ego, we must not fight it. You cannot fight a part of yourself. You have to allow it to be. You can’t fight it, you can’t kill it, and you can’t ignore it either.

Ignoring it is exactly the same as fighting it, you are resisting. You are trying with effort not to give it attention. And fighting it only makes it stronger.

The other impulse may be to give in to it. Just say, okay, whatever you want, ego. This is equally detrimental. This is like giving a child everything they ask for. It will spoil the child rotten.

Like a child having a temper tantrum, you don’t fight the child and you don’t give in. You let them tire themselves out. You give no extra energy.

You simply allow it to run its course.

You can soothe it. You can be a safe, calming, peaceful space for it. But you don’t give in. You don’t ignore it, and you don’t fight it. You let it be.

And you allow love to transform this negative, incessant, repetitive thinking machine into the intentional, thoughtful tool it was designed to be 100,000 years ago. These egos were fantastic tools for hunting and gathering and finding a mate.

It is a problem-solving machine that, when not run amok — when used only when necessary and able to be quiet when not necessary — allows us to live an incredibly peaceful and productive life.

We need the ego because it helps us understand that we need to find food, be wary of tigers and bears, keep a safe distance from a cliff’s edge, and remember how to navigate by the stars. These are all things the thinking mind allows us to do.

But it is only effective when it can become quiet.

Because when it becomes quiet, insights, ideas, and creativity have space to enter the mind. And the ego is what converts that creative energy and those insights into words, innovations, and tools — into all the developments that built our societies.

But once we became almost solely focused on labor and survival — when newspapers, radios, and film began pumping our heads full of words — the ego received too much input and too much to constantly reflect on.

Peace and quiet were replaced with constant stimulation.

And that is why our egos have run amok. We have too much information and too many things competing for our attention. Peace has been shoved down the list of ways to spend time.

The ego craves conflict because it knows itself by what it stands against. The more conflict, the stronger the sense of ego. And the stronger the ego, the more we identify with it.

But when we recognize our true self — the light of consciousness that perceives thoughts and emotions — the duality disappears.

The thoughts lose their power.

They become like overhearing a conversation on the street. It’s not us. It doesn’t matter.

And that is where real freedom begins.

To dissolve the ego is to disidentify from it. Instead of being lost in thought, we become aware of thought.

Over time — days, weeks, months — the ego grows quieter.

And what remains is a steady state of peace and bliss that doesn’t come from fleeting pleasures, but from that inner source of love and awareness.