Breakup is one of the hardest things we humans can go through and it doesn’t get talked about enough. Dating is like constantly losing a loved one (until that last first date when we finally find that special person we were meant for). In many ways, it can be worse than losing a loved one because when we lose someone in dating, it’s painful AND it’s confusing. We blame ourselves, we get angry at the other person. It is a tornado of destructive emotions.
Recommended reading: Is it possible let go of love for the other person after a breakup
But we can heal from this kind of trauma. We can move on. The key is to let these negative emotions show you where you still need to heal. Even if we are 99% healed and over it, then we are really still not healed and over it.
The key is to let these negative emotions show you where you still need to heal.
How to Get Over a Breakup
I recommend a few ways to heal from trauma, but they all have to do with turning our anger and pain into love and forgiveness. To do this, I have made a loving-kindness video on YouTube, which if done regularly can lessen the intense emotions we feel towards the loss and the other person.
I also recommend meditating on this person. What that looks like is, meditate for a few minutes, then think of this person and all the things about them that are upsetting, then go back to meditation to calm your body and mind back down, then repeat, finishing with a peaceful relaxing meditation.
By practicing this in the safety and serenity of a meditation cushion, it will help you naturally regulate your body’s nervous system whenever your attention turns to him throughout the day.
Finding True Closure and Letting Go
In the end, you’ll find that there’s really no need for closure or to understand. A person who leaves isn’t the one. That is the closure.
Making Room for What’s Next
All we can do in this kind of situation is let go so we can make room for the even better person we didn’t even know existed. Hope that helps.
You Are This Moment
Step off the wheel of overthinking and experience what happens when you finally let go of the noise. This award-winning film offers a powerful visual immersion into quiet awareness, inner stillness, and the beauty of being right here.
Understanding Unspoken Truths and Finding Gratitude After a Relationship Ends
Oftentimes, when someone leaves another person, there is much more at play than what is said.
Sometimes what is said can be true, but it can also be untrue.
Sometimes it can be because of a false perception, sometimes a valid one.
Sometimes there can be hidden agendas or secrets, and sometimes not.
But one thing is for certain.
The Reality of Projection in Relationships
Whatever someone says about someone else can only be partially true at best. They are only seeing a small part of that other person, AND they can’t help but project their own views and biases.
It can be very difficult to have to go through breakups and even harder when the reason feels confusing or surprising. But, whatever the reason they had, it can be reassuring to remember that, for whatever reason, they didn’t feel it was right, and there can be gratitude towards them for making that clear sooner rather than later so you can make space for the even greater blessings you have waiting for you.
Reader Question
Q: Dear Todd, I got separated from someone I truly liked and every other minute a good or bad memory of him comes up. It’s been 4 months now. I didn’t know what happened. It was a shock for me and then I had to guess and accept what might have happened, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. All emotions, and thoughts arise from that incident and everything also leads to it. Can you please suggest something? It’s difficult to live like this.
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