Hope is a funny thing. We like it, we crave it, and we feel we need it. But when things don’t go as we hoped, we suffer. Getting our hopes up and to have them crushed, over and over again, can be agonizing.
The Paradox of Hoping
So, what are we to do?
The problem with hope is that wanting it causes our feelings of hopelessness. When we focus on what we want, all we are really doing is thinking about what we don’t have. When we stop looking externally to fill that void—just as we learn when we stop relying on others for happiness—we begin to find an unshakeable peace within.
If we spend ten minutes wishing for hope, we’re really spending ten minutes thinking about our hopelessness. This makes us feel empty, incomplete, and like there is something wrong with us.
The truth is, we will all go through these feelings of hope and hopelessness.
The key is to watch these feelings, accept that they’re there, and even do the craziest thing imaginable:
“Accept hopelessness. Totally embrace it.”
Say to yourself: “Good, I am hopeless right now. Let’s explore this.” Everything can be faced with courage and curiosity. The sooner we face it, the sooner we learn to move through it without internal resistance.
Where Does Hope Really Come From?
The key is to shift our mindset from hope about some future outcome, to hope and how it feels right here in the present moment.
By separating hope from outcomes, we can discover that the source of hope does not lie in the future or in some external circumstance.
It comes from within.
By embracing whatever is happening in the moment (this doesn’t mean not acting, it only means not building up internal stress and resistance), we can transform any negative emotion into peaceful understanding.
The more we do this, the more we can trust in our ability to face any challenge that comes our way, and the more natural and effortless it will be to remain hopeful in the future.
A Story from a Thai Monastery: ‘I Have Arrived, I Am Home’
I passed a rock with a beautiful message written on it while on a walking trail at the Thai Buddhist monastery where I was living at that time.
Being a million miles from home and a billion miles from my old life in New York City, I didn’t expect this message to resonate with me so much. But it struck me in my heart like a lightning bolt.
The message was:
“I have arrived, I am home.”
This message was not referring to the monastery. It refers to a feeling we can carry with us in each and every step.
What is home?
It’s the place where we (hopefully) feel safe and at peace.
What is arriving?
It is the setting down of our baggage and taking a rest. Or in spiritual terms, putting down the mental baggage and giving our brain a rest.
LOST AND ALONE? You’re Here for a Reason
A gentle reflection on releasing expectations, meeting hopelessness with curiosity, and discovering peace right where you are.
“The heart always knows; the mind only thinks. When we stop grasping for outer security, we find that we are held up by the universe.”
Finding the Stillness Beneath the Waves
So, how can we feel this peace in every step? It’s as simple as noticing your breath – the giver of life. If you can breathe, then you are alive in this moment. Everything else is just mental noise.
We cannot ignore this mental noise, nor can we forcefully stop it. That would be like using the mind to defeat the mind.
But we can work with the mind. All of this mental noise is like waves on the surface of the ocean. We can’t stop waves from coming ashore. And if we ignore them, they’ll still be there. But, the more we learn to observe our thoughts and become aware of the deep peace and stillness underneath the surface, the more the waves on top don’t seem so big.
This peace always exists under the surface and we can be in touch with it in every step we take. To better connect with that peace, here’s an easy spiritual practice you can do to calm your mind.
If you’re ever feeling hopeless, depressed or overwhelmed, just remember the mantra, “I have arrived, I am home,” and allow your mind to go home and find refuge. This profound truth is something even young children can recognize.
This reflection is a part of my weekly newsletter, Path to Peace With Todd Perelmuter, on peace, awareness, healing, and living more consciously in the modern world.
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