Core Reflection
“Suppression and repression only feed negative thoughts more energy. Distraction and escape just keep them bubbling under the surface. To fully heal, we have to look at our pain, explore it, and shine an even brighter light.”
Usually what happens when we have those unwanted, intrusive, misery-inducing thoughts, is that we are trying to suppress something that is clearly there and trying to express itself.
Suppression and repression only feed negative thoughts more energy.
Distraction and escape just keep them bubbling under the surface.
Engaging with those thoughts feeds them too.
So what the heck are we supposed to do?!
The key to freeing ourselves from a dark past is by shining an even brighter light. We can’t force ourselves to avoid or ignore painful memories from our past. If we deny our pain or delude ourselves, it will create more problems down the road. If you find yourself stuck relying on past conditions or external validation, see my guide on How to Stop Relying on Other People for Your Happiness.
To fully heal, we have to look at our pain. We have to explore it from all sides. We need to meditate on it and reflect on it until it no longer stirs up any troubling emotions. Only when we’ve mustered up the courage to face it, can we conquer it. Once we have conquered it, we can set it down. If it pops up again, which it might, it will no longer disturb us.
When we make decisions that we later regret, they can end up haunting us for the rest of our lives. Our mind becomes consumed with thoughts like, “What if…,” “If only I had…,” and, “I wish…”
Related Read: Is an external situation or person keeping a past error fresh in your mind? Read When the Present Keeps Reminding You of Your Past Mistake to learn how to break the cycle of self-blame.
Here’s What I Want You to Do This Week:
- Give it undivided attention: Set aside some time to just focus on, and think about, something that keeps popping up in your mind. Sit with whatever is weighing on your mind. Give it some unhurried, undivided attention.Try to find something that you can accept, and make peace with, about the situation.
- Extract the lesson: Find a lesson in the situation. Remember, a mistake is not a mistake if you learn from it. If we can find some lesson, if any good can from it, and if we can understand the root causes, then we can start to forgive, find gratitude, and turn that painful past into a blessing.
Don’t try to hurry this process. Some days will be easy, and then the next day might be hard. Love both. And make sure you do it every single day until the past is no longer troubling. Remember that you can love your mistakes, you can love your past self, and you can be grateful for the lessons and strength you gain along the way.
Don’t forget to continue the week 1 assignment of creating mindfulness reminders around the house and office. It can be a reminder on your phone, a sticky note, or a lipstick smiley face on the bathroom mirror. Anything that reminds you to check in with your thoughts. Remember, we can’t undo decades of habitual thinking in a few days, so keep it up and great work!
This reflection is part of 10,000 Mental Steps: A Happiness Challenge — a free challenge focused on building a calmer, clearer, and happier inner life. You can begin the journey here:
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You Are This Moment
An award-winning spiritual documentary on releasing past regrets, quieting mental noise, and returning to the present moment.
“When you let go of every mistake, even every triumph, and just be fully present, then there is nothing to carry on your shoulders to weigh you down.”
