Love isn’t always easy. Usually, the journey to finding true love is filled with heartache, anger, sadness, and depression—but also joy, comfort, companionship, laughter, and fun. Unless you get so lucky as to marry your first date, there will be some heartbreak. Fortunately, however, there are concrete ways to help you trust finding love again after being hurt.
To quote Pat Benatar, “Love is a battlefield.” Sometimes we get hurt. Times can look bleak. But if we persevere, we can succeed in our mission. At any age, after any number of marriages, no matter who you are, love is out there waiting to find you.
Let’s explore how to heal from traumatic relationships, how to attract a mate, and how meditation and mindfulness can help with both so that we can trust finding love again.
To Find Romantic Love, We Must Practice Universal Love
After hard breakups, it’s easy to be bitter. It’s easy to see the world as cruel. We may think that there’s nobody out there for us and ask ourselves why we should even bother trying.
The secret to overcoming these feelings is universal love—the practice of loving everyone and everything platonically. This is a transformative practice that opens our hearts and minds to the universe.
While it can be hard at first, holding back universal love is what creates bitterness and resentment. It creates judgments and negative opinions that fill up our minds and disturb our peace. Loving even those who’ve hurt you does nothing for them, but it does everything for you. You don’t have to spend time with them, but internally, you are letting go of hatred and welcoming in love.
One way to practice universal love is with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself:
- Why would this person have acted this way?
- What trauma have they experienced in their own life?
- What in their upbringing made them act like this?
- Did society support them or let them down?
You will almost always find that we are all shaped by our past experiences. Some of us were lucky enough to have great parents and great teachers; many of us were not.
Universal love doesn’t mean letting all criminals out of prison—that would be foolish. True universal love comes from wisdom. What it does mean is choosing to rehabilitate people rather than inflicting vengeful punishment.
A powerful loving-kindness guided meditation video is a great way to start cultivating universal love, softening resentment, and preparing your heart for real connection.
Being Present Can Help Us in Finding Love Again
All breakup pain is caused by focusing on a past relationship or feeling a lack of hope about finding love in the future. We became attached to a specific person, and detachment causes suffering. Or, we became attached to the idea of being with someone, and being alone causes suffering.
In all of these situations, we become fixated on what was or what might be. We obsess over yesterday and tomorrow, completely missing the present moment—where life, healing, and connection are actually happening.
We must practice meditation and mindfulness to stay grounded. Mindfulness is becoming aware of the nature of our mind and the root causes of our suffering. Meditation is the active training that sharpens our presence and focus. As we rest our awareness in the present moment, the heavy weight of our past and future begins to diminish.
How to Be Present to Trust Finding Love Again After Being Hurt
To practice presence daily, simply observe your outer world and your inner world more often. Pay attention to whatever is happening right now without adding labels or judgments:
- Notice the reflection of light off whatever you’re looking at.
- Quietly observe the subtle flow of your thoughts without pursuing them.
- Scan your body and notice any physical sensations you feel.
- Observe all the subtle details of your in-breath and out-breath.
This simple awareness automatically calms your nervous system and releases stored tension.
Then, when you’re ready to start dating again, you’ll be far more present on dates. You’ll be responding naturally rather than overthinking. You’ll feel less self-conscious and more confident because you’re out of your head and grounded in the present moment—a quality that is magnetic and highly attractive.
Letting Go of the Past and the Future Helps Us Trust Finding Love Again
Ultimately, you have to let go of strict expectations and go with the flow. The right person is out there, but you will meet them on the universe’s schedule, not your ego’s. The more you put yourself out there with an open heart, the sooner it will happen.
Let go of rigid timeframes, rigid ideas about dating, and fixed concepts of what “true love” must look like. Don’t let past experiences color your perception of new people—everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way.
Free Books: Let Go of the Past & Reclaim Your Present
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Healing from the Trauma of Past Relationships
Before getting back out there, healing is essential. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Losing a loved one—whether through death or a difficult breakup—carries a very real sense of grief. It helps to remember that even when you feel like you lost your soulmate and don’t know how to let go of your love, healing is a journey of honoring your feelings rather than rushing past them.
Take time for self-care and feel through your emotions completely. Don’t resist or ignore what you’re experiencing; buried feelings only stay trapped beneath the surface.
Observe how naturally the mind fixates on the negative, and gently remind yourself to look for the positive. There are often nine positive things for every single negative event that happens. But when we grieve, we tend to isolate and focus exclusively on the bad—a habit that stems from a lack of mindfulness toward the totality of the situation.
Simply expand your awareness by turning your focus toward the good: whether that’s appreciating the meaningful times you shared with that person, or recognizing that you now have the space to find someone even more aligned with who you are today.
The Law of Attraction in Dating: Why Presence Attracts True Love
The less you focus on a specific outcome, the more naturally you attract it. When your goal on a date is simply to enjoy the moment rather than desperately search for a partner, both of you will have a far better experience.
As human beings, we can instantly sense desperation, neediness, and insecurity. The true key to attraction is simply presence. When we see a magnetic actor, we often say, “That person has an incredible presence.” What we really mean is that they are 100% present in the moment—carefree, confident, and out of their own head. They have no hidden agenda, appearing completely genuine and relaxed.
This is the exact state of mind that fosters authentic attraction, and it is available to anyone with practice. Being comfortable in your own skin comes from knowing yourself, and deep self-knowledge comes from meditation. When we meditate, we sit with ourselves without distractions, observing our innermost thoughts with complete focus and clear attention.
Know Thyself: Building Self-Worth and Confidence After Heartbreak
The better we know ourselves, the more natural confidence we exude, the more relaxed we become, and the more at peace we feel in any circumstance. Learning how to stop relying on others for happiness ensures that if a date doesn’t go well, it won’t shake you—because your self-worth is no longer tied to external validation.
The peace and joy you project when you release expectations about outcomes becomes magnetic. People naturally want to be around you because you create a calm energy field that puts others at ease.
Some people may be too caught up in their own struggles to recognize your peace, and that’s perfectly okay—they simply weren’t meant for you. But the right person on the right wavelength is out there, and you can trust that you will find love again.
Mindset shift
Realism is often just pessimism in disguise. Choosing optimism is a conscious, wise decision to acknowledge both the good and bad in life while maintaining a hopeful heart for the future.
Choosing Optimism: Why Hoping for Love is a Wise Mindset
You have to keep hope alive—life without hope loses its color. There are so many people out there who can bring magic into your life; never forget that.
People often assume there are three choices: to be an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist. But can any of us see the future? Since none of us can, true “realism” is largely a myth—and usually just pessimism in disguise.
Being optimistic doesn’t mean assuming everything will go perfectly. It simply means choosing to hope that it does. Even when things go wrong, an optimistic mindset trains your brain to look for positive solutions and trust that good outcomes are still ahead. You learn to recognize that difficulties pass and that something positive is just around the corner.
There is nothing naive about optimism. It is a conscious, grounded realization that good and bad exist in everything, that life is constantly changing, and that choosing a positive attitude is the best way forward.
You will find love again. And just as importantly, as monks have known for centuries, you can learn to deeply love being with yourself until that right person arrives.
LOST AND ALONE? You’re Here for a Reason
A reflective exploration of impermanence, inner peace, and discovering truth beyond outer attachment.
“The heart always knows; the mind only thinks. When we stop grasping for outer security, we find that we are held up by the universe.”
