No one can bring out our best and worst selves quite like the people we're closest to. When approached mindfully, relationships can be incredible opportunities to grow in presence and as people. But when there is insecurity, doubt, jealousy, suspicion, or possessiveness in relationships, this can create a toxic, fertile soil for mindlessness and trouble to grow. Because most of us want to be in a relationship, we can cling…
Q: Dear Todd, I had someone pretend to like me for a year and then she told me that she was using me and that the whole time she hated me. It messed me up so much. I still think that everyone hates me because idk if I can trust people. What if they are like her? What if I’m annoying? Is there something wrong with me? I also hate…
Q: Dear Todd, my wife was the closest person to me and she died last year, and now I'm stuck on this hell rock of a planet. I'm not that close to a lot of my family. This woman I know who is a widow who I was getting close to, is now showing her true colors, and it's not in a good way. I'm really tired and waiting to…
Q: Dear Todd, my problem is: I am someone who saw and recognized my same-sex attraction from a young age. Over time, I surrendered to such behavior and came into contact with men. I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for several years. With whom I broke up some time ago, even though I had everything that every "gay" would want. The reason why I broke up is…
Q: Dear Todd, fear of rejection, then not feeling good enough is what holds me back from talking to more women. I feel like I’d have way more joy in my life if I just went for it, but I know how much rejection happens plus I don’t want to force things, I like the universe to guide me to the right connections. What’s your take on this? Do you…
We all (well most of us anyway) want a devoted partner, close friends, and a loving family. But trying to find the right partner, make friends, and build a family can do a number on our psyche.Relationships are a minefield of rejection and disappointment, betrayal and failure. They wreak havoc on our self-esteem, make us question our lives, and they can leave us feeling completely broken.But, relationships also provide us…
There are a few things we can do to lower anxiety. One way is to boost our confidence. This is done through practice and self-trust, so one thing to do is to try to have a meaningful (roughly 30-second) conversation with everyone you encounter, in a way that goes just slightly deeper and more original than “How’s the weather?” Use your surroundings to connect. This all helps us get out…
I understand how hard it can be when people don't treat us the way we would treat others. It is disappointing, disheartening, and discouraging. People are messy and relationships can be very complicated, but we enter into them because of the immense meaning and purpose they bring.To hold onto anger and resentment is to give up on people everywhere. It's a battlefield out there, but we only have 3 options.1)…
Don’t all the best humans have a feeling of inadequacy when going out on a date? Ain’t that a thing? The most thoughtful people are so often too introspective and self-critical. It’s easy to get fixated on insecurities, especially because of the ubiquitous media’s idealization of what the ‘perfect’ life looks like, but it’s important to remember you are absolutely perfect as you are.Whenever you are overthinking about yourself, try…
Q: Dear Todd, my girlfriend told me she hates me and wants me to die a horrible death. Should I forgive her? TODD ANSWERS: Forgive her, yes. Break up with her, maybe also yes (although that’s a personal decision only you can make). The definition of forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It doesn’t mean telling them you forgive them.…
If something here helped you feel less alone, would you help me keep it alive?
Even the smallest support matters.
Weekly Writings from the Desk of Todd Perelmuter
