A few years ago I moved to a new neighborhood in New York. I didn’t know anyone in the area, but I was excited to explore and make new friends. One day on a walk, I ran into a dear old friend who I used to be very close with and found out he was practically my next door neighbor! We made plans to have dinner later that week and I was very excited to have a friend so close that we could hang out all the time.

A couple days later when I messaged him to share my exact address, I also told him that he was welcome to come over anytime and he could even use my building’s pool, gym and sauna. 

Then, silence. I got ghosted.

What happened between being great friends and being ghosted? This is the kind of thought that used to drive me crazy for days or weeks, but this time was different. What used to send me on a downward spiral of self-doubt and anger, was replaced with compassion and understanding. Did I make him jealous by mentioning the pool? Is he struggling financially? Has he recently lost someone? Is he having relationship problems? Is he struggling with social anxiety or depression, which I knew he had a history of?

One of the greatest benefits I’ve experienced from my spiritual practices is my ability to clearly see my situations, to unemotionally be aware of what I know and don’t know, to be at peace with the unknown, and to consistently view and address my own tendencies for attachment and craving that disrupt my inner peace.

When I am clinging to what was, I know I need to let go. When my mind becomes consumed with anger, I know I need to practice compassion. When stress and frustration start to arise, I know there is something I am resisting. The more I practice, the more consistently I am present, and the quicker I can catch myself starting to go down the path of egoic thinking.

Feeling let down or disappointed is not a sign that other people are “bad.” It’s a sign that we are fighting against reality. People are people. If we expect them to be angels, we’ll be disappointed. When we truly understand human nature, we will never be surprised. Instead of demanding reality to be different, let’s keep our eyes open to what it’s trying to teach us. (More on how we can better deal with people who push our buttons, and how we can prevent our buttons from getting pushed, in my latest podcast.)

This week, let’s explore some of our own contentious relationships. Are there people we no longer speak to and yet they still occupy space in our mind? Is there any grudge we can take off our shoulders? Can we spend a few minutes feeling love toward someone who hurt us, even if we choose to move on in our lives without them? We either accumulate conflicts in our lives and become bitter, or we set them down and become free.

Humans are the most adaptable species on Earth. No matter what blows life has dealt you, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what habits you’ve picked up, change is in your DNA. In my latest YouTube video, I share the most effective, profound, and also simplest ways to change your life, live your dreams, and love this moment.

Much love,
Todd