Understanding Affection Deprivation and the Drive for Touch
We all need human touch and affection. It is as innate a drive as hunger and thirst. We love love, and so we seek it out, we crave it, and it is this force that has helped us work together to survive and thrive on this planet.
Modern Technology: Isolation vs. Real Connection
It is true that in our modern society, it’s become easier to call than to visit, to text than to call, and to drop a heart or a like instead of leaving a comment. And while this distance and isolation can seem insurmountable, these new technologies also contain within them our solution.
Within our little screens are billions of other people who are also alone. We can use our phones to join meetups, find events, or create our own events. We can meet strangers in our neighborhood, or find love on the other side of the world. We can use these devices to arrange more in-person activities with our friends and loved ones, we can text them that we plan to take our phones out at a minimum, and we can even set alarms reminding us to be more present.
Recognizing Universal Interconnectedness
The second way we can use this technology to enhance our feeling of connection is by watching and reading content like this that reminds us just how deeply interconnected each of us is with all of humanity, all life on this planet, and with the entirety of the cosmos. With every inhale, we take in parts of the plants and the earth. We breathe in the stardust of billions of dead stars. We breathe in life, and we breathe life back out into the universe. A merging takes place with each breath, as well as with each bite and sip we take.
The truth is, we can never be alone because we could not survive alone. We need the plants, the critters, our ancestors and our fellow humans in order to be here today. Simultaneously, we can never be truly with anyone. Others can be near us and say kind things to support us, but ultimately it is up to each of us, alone but one, to lift ourselves up, to learn how to stop relying on others for happiness, to be a source of strength for ourself, and to decide how we will respond to what this mysterious universe throws at us. The journey to peace, presence and purpose lies within, and ultimately we must walk that path alone.
ALWAYS REMEMBER:
We all notice different things because there are many varying degrees of consciousness. Lower levels of consciousness tend to only see objects. These lower states of awareness usually fixate on physical objects and even see people as objects. The more conscious we become, the more we see non-material things, like relationships, patterns, and connections. We see how all things are connected and affect each other. (Have you ever wondered if oneness would make us suffer when others do, and what we can do to deal with that?
How to Live Without Love and Affection: Shifting Your Consciousness
In low levels, everything appears separate, isolated, alone, random and chaotic. In high levels, oneness, beauty and meaning emerge. Low levels are states of fear, anger and greed. High levels are love, compassion and gratitude.
In Buddhism, they meditate on interconnectedness – how all things are related. You can do this too by simply thinking of your lunch. Then you can thank whoever made it for you. Then you can thank the farmers, the truck drivers, the drivers’ parents, the store clerks, the sun and the rain and the air, the plants and critters who made the right conditions for these crops, the road pavers and the taxpayers, and on and on and on. Pretty soon you’ll realize that everything we enjoy is only thanks to everything there is.
As we jump into June, let’s ponder this amazing fact. You and I both have about a million atoms in our body that were once in the body of Jesus. With each inhale, we breathe in particles of air that were once exhaled by every human who ever lived. If you just breathed (and I hope you did), you just inhaled a particle from Julius Caesar’s dying breath. Separation, isolation, and loneliness are illusions created because we failed to look deeper. On one hand, we can never be alone because we are everyone and everything. On the other hand, we can never truly be with anyone else because we are all one. It is dancing in between the space of these two truths that we find the joy and peace of being.
LOST AND ALONE? YOU’RE HERE FOR A REASON
A transformative spiritual documentary on overcoming feelings of loneliness, embracing change, and discovering the inner wisdom and purpose within us all.
“There is nothing out there that can complete us because we are already whole. When we give everything our full attention, every moment becomes spectacular.”
How to Stop Feeling Jaded and Bitter Over Time
Love as the Fundamental Force of Existence
Love is the glue that holds this universe together. It is the gravity that unites two star crossed lovers. And it is the only reason we exist — it brought our parents together, love nourished and protected us through infancy, and it is the only reason we haven’ blown ourselves up yet.
Love is a feeling as innate as hunger. Instead of leading us to food, love guides us towards being more compassionate and selfless. It drives us towards building communities that can work together to survive and thrive. And the good feelings that selfless love invokes (selfless love being much different than the possessive, jealous type of love) drives us towards building and maintaining our families and close friendships.
Facing the Absence of Affection: Selfless Love vs. Transactions
Love is how we survived and how we will continue to do so. So, what can we do when that lovely love is missing from our lives? Do we deserve it? Are some people just loners? Should we just let go of our desire for love and accept what is?
Here’s the thing, you can’t crave what you are. We may mistake love for companionship. We may mistake love for sex. But love is so much more than that which can be found in another person. No one can steal your essence away from you. And neither can anyone else fulfill our needs for love. We are love. As you’ll see from this video, we are bigger and so much more than we think.
The more we reconnect with our hearts, the source of our life and all life, the more we will become fearless in love. On this journey of trust and finding love again, when we are fearless in love, we spread joy wherever we go, we see the beauty and potential in everyone, we shower others with compliments, and we expect absolutely nothing in return. Here’s the real reason why we can’t always see the beauty, balance and oneness of the universe.
No, it is not crazy to want love and have it returned. But remember, when having love returned is our motivation to give love, then we are not looking for love, we are looking for business partners we can have a love transaction with. This is not true, selfless love.
When we love totally selflessly, we become magnetic. It’s like we become high on the love drug and everyone else wants to find out what our secret to happiness is. We all know people like this. These people are medicine for the soul and everyone wants to be around them. Not everyone will return the love in kind, but there are lots of loving folks out there. We don’t lose anything if love isn’t returned, but when it is returned, we gain the world.
ALWAYS REMEMBER:
It’s all too easy to become jaded and pessimistic. When we show love and generosity, and for it not to be returned, can easily discourage us from being loving. Instead of giving up, I say double down.
Overcoming the Absence of Affection with Unconditional Kindness
Your kind actions have infinite unseen positive consequences. There’s no faster way to find your tribe of people than to show everyone your inner light. And, there’s no faster way to reveal those who aren’t your people. It’s a win win. Be kind, be generous, and kind and generous people will be drawn to you.
“Nice” may get taken advantage of, but kind and generous can never be. Kind and generous come from strength and wisdom, not ignorance. Kind is about what’s doing best for others (whether they realize it at the time or not), and for yourself. It’s free and it’s limitless, so give it away wherever you go and see the world around you change for the better.
Remember, everything you perceive in the world exists within you. If you see love and hate in the world, it’s because the seeds of love and hate lie within you. Nurture those seeds of love and watch your life bloom.
