Getting Over a Breakup When the Reason Seems Confusing

Q: Dear Todd, I recently separated from a partner citing that being together was difficult for her mental health and her judgment of my own inner peace. She believed I had more to work on. Ending things over that made me question the validity of the oneness sadly because her depth into that study is significant.

Maybe I am amidst processing and possibly misunderstanding it, but I feel it was the spiritual high ground that gave her the out versus keeping her commitments with her partner.

My difficulty is that the claim about the quality of our relationship feels quite skewed and although harmonious 90% of our time together, it seems she viewed things quite differently. Makes me wary of relations with another person heavily into oneness because they can leave so easily and dismiss their responsibility to the relationship.

TODD ANSWERS: That is definitely a difficult thing to be going through for sure. Oftentimes, when someone leaves another person, there is much more at play than what is said. Sometimes what is said can be true, but it can also be untrue. Sometimes it can be because of a false perception, sometimes a valid one. Sometimes there can be hidden agendas or secrets, and sometimes not. But two things are for certain.

1) Whatever someone says about someone else can only be partially true at best. They are only seeing a small part of that other person, AND they can’t help but project their own views and biases.

2) There is nothing about oneness that could help someone break commitments, judge others, or feel superior in any way. Quite the opposite.

It can be very difficult to have to go through breakups and even harder when the reason feels confusing or surprising. But, whatever the reason she had, it can be reassuring to remember that for whatever reason, she didn’t feel it was right, and there can be gratitude towards her for making that clear sooner rather than later so you can make space for the even greater blessings you have waiting for you.

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